Love beyond Death

Chapter 19

Amarin wasn't acknowledging what was happening around him. Doctors have come and gone to his room numerous times a day, doing tests, drawing his blood or injecting him medicine. He didn't even bother to ask how his condition was, the instant pain he felt was the best answer.

The diagnosis weren't as bad he firstly feared, the fall caused him mild concussion but that was about it. The pain he got was doubled thanks to the tumor, which didn't seem to spread at the moment nor was it getting worse. Doctors started calling it a small miracle, and although Amarin lost some of his memory, that was it. All other symptoms of cancer were gone for the moment.

Three days have passed since he was admitted and every day, less doctors showed up with necessary treatment. Who didn't show up was Karn and Amarin couldn't be more depressed about it. He did say he will be back... but when? Amarin wasn't allowed to use phone nor call anyone. It wasn't cancer that was killing him, the thoughts he got every day were.

He couldn't even imagine spending rest of his now short life without ever seeing Karn again, yet it looked like he won't visit anytime soon. As his only stated relative, nobody else had the right to visit him in his room. Amarin didn't have enough strength nor control over his body to walk properly yet and couldn't go outside to meet at least his friends.

The loneliness was eating him from the inside alongside extreme guilt. He refused to consume normal food that was served to him and had to be fed through tubes. The head doctor considered calling a psychiatrist if Amarin won't do something about his rather childish behavior.

It wasn't like he didn't want to cooperate with doctor's orders, but he just couldn't make himself eat. He knew he would throw up immediately and he wanted to avoid that.

"He won't come." Amarin sighed weakly, addressing it to only nurse he'd talked to, May.

"Why would you think that? He's your boyfriend, he will surely come." She tried to comfort him.

"Boyfriend, you say..." He smiled, tearing up. "I wish..." he whispered, covering his eyes with his hand.

"I don't know what happened nor it's my business, but nobody would wait almost two nights in a row without any sleep if he didn't care." May explained. Amarin looked up at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I haven't told you yet, but during your two-day coma, Mr. Prachaya didn't leave your side unless it was really required. He sat by your bed just as I'm sitting now, holding your hand. Doctors told him to leave and take some rest, but he didn't listen to anyone. I had to bring him food and force him to eat, just as I'm forcing you. You two really are just a big children." She shook her head in disbelieve. She was a fairly pretty woman in her 40s. Although they didn't know themselves long enough, she gave him a motherly-caring vibe he'd never experienced before.

"I didn't know that." He admitted, feeling deeply touched. How he wished Karn would just come. He needed to see him yet he feared it the most. Between choosing which one was scarier, death or Karn's reaction to everything Amarin did, death sounded like a better option.

"Your friends stopped by earlier this day and brought you some stuff. I will bring them to you after you eat your lunch." With that, she left the room for a moment and came back carrying a tray with food. She carefully placed it in front of Amarin on a bedtable.

"I would like to keep you company but other patients are waiting. Eat as much as you can." She left again, leaving Amarin alone. He was currently sitting up as much as he was able to and examined the food. He knew he won't be able to eat even one bite.

Thoughts about Karn occupied his mind once again. He really didn't want to cry. He felt like he has no right to cry, since he'd brought everything up to himself. Even if he had a chance to change how things turned out, he would never possibly and willingly tell Karn about the disease.