I Need You

33

Yesterday I ended things with Jungkook.  Last night, Kim and I went online and booked a flight for all of us to leave today to go back to Seoul.  Our next concert is in Newark, NJ next weekend, so we have to head back to Seoul to practice everything and then get on another flight at the end of the week to come back to the US.

Our flight is in about 2 hours, so we head to the airport now.  Kim, Jimin, and I ride in one car to the airport, while RM, V, Jungkook, Jin, Suga, and J-Hope Uber in another.  

Kim and Jimin hold hands and talk the whole time, while I put in earbuds and listen to some music the whole way in silence.  I need this silence because I just need to think and have some me time.

At the airport, Kim and Jimin give each other a small kiss goodbye and I give Kim a hug.

"Call me if you ever need me, or if you ever want to make a last minute trip over," she says smiling. 

I give a small laugh and smile, "Thank you Kim!  I needed a friend!  Love you!  See you soon!"

Real quickly, she gives each member a small hug and they thank her.

As we begin to walk into the airport, she gives me a small wave and smile.  We get through baggage check and TSA quickly.  We are all wearing clothes to try to hide ourselves so we won't get noticed.  We just want to get on this flight and get going without an interruptions.  

On the plane, I sit with V instead of Jungkook like I usually do.  He sits with Jimin.  The plane ride is, again, 14 hours and 50 minutes.  Most of the way, V and I talk and make jokes.  We also watch some movies and eat food.  

I look over to where Jungkook is sitting and see him and Jimin sleeping.  At one point, though, I looked over and saw him looking at me and V laughing.  I don't even care at this point if I make him mad, or jealous, or whatever.  I am just going to live my life.  

When we get to Seoul, we get off the flight and head to baggage claim.  Unfortunately, a bunch of girls surround us on the way out.  But I wiggle my way out since a lot of them don't care about me as much as the guys.  So, I wait for the guys again outside baggage claim in the cold.  

After about 15 minutes, they all make their way to where I am.

"Jade, have you been sitting out here?  In the cold?" asks V.

I nod and he looks worried.  I don't know why he is though because I'm wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but he gives me his jacket anyway and we head to the van.

"Thanks," I say and he nods back.  I look back behind me, because of instinct, I don't know, I just always feel like someone is following me.  Anyway, as I'm looking behind me, when I go to turn back around, I catch Jungkook's gaze and he looks mad or jealous or whatever.  I don't know why, but I, again, don't care.

When we get into the van, I sit in the back with Jimin and V; J-Hope and RapMon sit in the row in front of us; Jungkook and Jin sit in the row in front of them, and then Suga sits in the passenger seat.

Next to me, Jimin and V are cutting up and making me laugh a lot.  I can tell Jungkook is getting irritated because he puts his earbuds in, but I just ignore and continue to enjoy watching Jimin and V goof off.

When we arrive at the house, we all go in to get situated in our rooms.  I hear all the guys walk into the living room and start talking, but I just stay in my room because I feel too awkward and I just don't feel like being social.

So, I put my earbuds in and lie down in my bed.  I close my eyes and begin to daydream.  I start to daydream about my life before I joined BTS and everything, but then my daydream started to turn into memories with Jungkook.  Before I know it, my eyes are starting to water.  Thinking of all the good times we had and how it ended so abruptly hurts.  

I am startled awake by V interrupting my daydreaming. 

"Are you ok?" he asks me.  There was a tear or two on my cheeks and I quickly brushed them aside.

"Yeah," I say quickly, "just daydreaming and having some alone time."

"Oh, ok.  I'll go and leave you to it," he says and walks out.  I smile at him as he walks out and I put my earbuds back in and go back to daydreaming. 

Now I'm picturing myself after I leave BTS and what my life is gonna be like.  I bet I'm gonna become a nobody again and people will soon forget about me.

I have been daydreaming for about an hour now, so I decide it's probably time to get up and go out into the main room. 

All the guys are hanging out there, so I just sit on a chair and watch TV with them in silence. 

RapMon gets up and motions for me to follow him. 

"Hey Jade, do you still want to do a duet with Jungkook?  I know things are weird now, but I mean, the crowd loves you guys singing together, and I bet they would be disappointed if you guys didn't sing together," he says, "But you don't have to, it's completely your choice."

I think for a minute and nod, "Sure, I'll still do the duet with him," I say, "But the songs have to change, because I don't think 'Purpose' and '2U' are good choices for us right now."  I look to the side like "you know?  yikes".

He nods and says that I can decide the song.

So, it's agreed upon, Jungkook and I are still gonna do a duet, but the songs are gonna change.  And I think I know which songs we're gonna pick from.  

As I've mentioned before, the songs we sing represent how things are between us, so these songs sure as hell aren't gonna be "lovey dovey".