I want you

The interview

S= Stephanie the interviewer
Y=you the interviewee

S-"So first of all thank you so much for allowing Cosmopolitan to interview you today, we understand you're in high demand".

Y-*slight laugh* "no thank you! I'm really glad to be here, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this."

I said with a smile, shifting slightly on my stool.

S-"Well what a perfect Segway. What were your dreams, or was this the way you planned out your life."

"Well that is straight to the point"  I thought. Whilst panic started to take over my body I tried to keep my face composed, I most definitely did not want to tell of David and Mark in my first ever interview, I needed a way to avoid the subject without looking there was something to hide.

Y-"Well, whilst I never truly imagine myself here, I am of course really grateful for the opportunities that are coming my way. I originally wanted to become a lawyer but fate had a different path for me I guess... and here I am!"

I raised my arms slightly and looked around, letting my laugh sync with Stephanie's.

S-"And is that something you strongly believe in, 'fate'?"

I had never really considered my beliefs before, I didn't believe in god or an afterlife, not after how unfair life had been to me in the past, but recently, as things had started to turn around for me, I started to become more thankful, to start to think that maybe everything had happened for a reason.

Y-"Yeah, yeah I think I do. Maybe not, in my opinion from a God, but I think that maybe everything happens for a reason and maybe every cloud, no matter how dark has a sliver lining"

S-"Wow some very motivational words there"

She laughed, but not at me, with me, making me feel more at ease and equally allowing me to relax more, both physically and mentally.

S-"So if the law career isn't the one for you, as you said, do you think the modelling one is?"

I began to think, was modelling for me? It was already very physically straining, causing me to limit my food intake and take up fitness to be photoshoot and catwalk ready.

Y-" I think that currently I really like the direction that it's heading in. And the opportunities that I've taken up and that I'm receiving are incredible, and I'm excited for the future. But if you're asking me if I just want to be a model, I think the answer is no. There is so much up for offer and up for grabs and I'd really like to experience a wide range of things!"

S-"Interesting, what could you see yourself realistically doing next and what could you see yourself doing aspirationally next? In a professional sense."

Y-"Well without revealing too much, I think realistically maybe being in a music video, and aspirationally starring in a film- I have always loved acting ever since I was younger."

S-"Interesting. And what about in your personal life? What are your realistic goals and aspirational goals?"

I had no idea, talk about being put on the spot. My life had become so consumed by my 'professional life' I guess I'd lost sight of my personal life and goals. But I'd always known what they are.

Y-"I think realistically I need to move ahahah, I live so far from work, and as much as I love my home and everyone in it, the opportunities in it are minimal compared to London. And aspirationally, I have always wanted to have a family, settle down and have children. Yeah."

S-"And talking of settling down and starting a family, is there anyone on the cards for that? And love interests?"

I sat there, truly in awe of how this suited woman who, prior to the interview seemed to lack any conversation, now made it flow seamlessly. I then thought of any love interests and my mid went blank. I hadn't been with anyone since Mark.

Y-"In all honestly no. Ahahha. Life has been too hectic and jam packed to think about dating, let alone get the time to go on one! Ahahha"

Stephanie looked at me as if to say that that wasn't the response she was expecting, she went on to say-

S-"Obviously you've been spending a lot of time with Joe Sugg, you-tuber; filming videos, going for coffee. Is there anything going on there?"

She looked me straight in the eye. And I shot my eyes at the floor. I could feel my cheeks grow hotter and imagined them turning redder. But I didn't know why. Me and Joe were friends. He was so kind and caring to me. Helping me locate my way around London, letting me stay at his when hotels weren't available and allowing me to grow my following more by exposing me to sides of social media I'd never really explored before such as YouTube. And whilst Joe was definitely attractive, funny and lovable, we were just friends, and yet still deep down I felt a guilt towards David.

Stephanie coughed slightly, snapping me out of my train of thought.

Y-"Joe has been absolutely incredible to me since my career started. He was honestly the first person I met in London and has showed me nothing but excellent hospitality since. And it's been really lovely having a friend from home, and yeah that's just what we are friends ahah"

S-"So would you class Joe as one of your 'silver linings' that you mentioned earlier"

Stephanie asked this with a playful glint in her, referencing my fate comment earlier.

Y-"Yes of course, ultimately if my law career hadn't of not worked out, I wouldn't have found myself with so much free time, in which I built up a small following, I wouldn't have posted *that picture*, I wouldn't have travelled to London, been signed to gleam, met Zoe, Caspar or Joe and wouldn't have up and coming opportunities"

S-"And just to finish off, what can we look forward to from you in the near future."

Y-"Well, it's Halloween soon and I'm shooting a Halloween laundrié with Victoria Secret"

S-"Well we look forward to that. Thank you so much for coming in today, you've been amazing.

Y-"No! Honestly thank you!'"

I said smiling letting out a small sigh of relief.

Stephanie got up and turned off the camera.
That was it. My first interview completed.