IronDad One Shots // IronDad And SpiderSon

Santa Claus' biggest fear

This is my Christmas chapter because it's all I can manage srry

"So Peter, watcha doin'?" It was close to Christmas. The avengers were all sitting down in the warm room, snuggled into blankets and drinking delicious Asgardian tea that Thor loves to share. The ginormous television was playing A Christmas Carol, and it seemed like everyone was invested into the movie. Except Peter, who was kneeling over the coffee table with a pen (the top half constantly chewed) and paper, who stuck out his tongue as he scribbled on the paper.

"Oh hey Isabella," Peter replies, making his voice several pitches higher, no doubt understanding the reference. He suddenly scowled and scrunched up the paper into a ball, starting again. "Just writing a letter to Santa."

The avengers turned to each other to share a look, this kid. Smiles broke out onto the faces of the avengers, silently cooing at the teen who clearly still believed in the tale that was meant for little children. "What are you asking for?"

"Can't say. Secret." A grin stretched out onto the boy's face, seeming satisfied as he put his pen down. He began to fold the paper intod three equal sections, before turning to face Pepper, who held a fond smile as she snuggled beside Tony. "You got any envelopes I can use?"

"Yeah, I'll get you one right now."

"Thanks mom." He said without thinking, turning his back to grab a gingerbread man, oblivious to the shocked faces as they sHOok each other's arms in disbelief. Pepper honestly looked so proud and so happy, definitely going to remember that.

Once Peter sealed his letter, he tugged on his spidey mask that he always carried, jumped out the window and posted the letter. He came back in less than a minute, a new record. However, while he was gone, Tony leant forward to Natasha and whispered lowly.

"As soon as he comes back, get that letter and give it to me so I can get what he wants."

"Noted."

-.-

When Peter arrived back in the tower, Natasha put her acting skills into practise. "Fucking shit." She cursed, earning 'language' from Sam, who got a themed cushion to his face.

"What's up?" Tony asked with fake concern.

"Cramps, I'm gonna go lie down."

"I'll bring up some cocoa for you later, Tasha." Steve spoke from under his comforter, resting his head on Bucky's shoulder. Peter frowned from his seat in between Tony and Rhodey, wishing for his aunt to get well soon. Wanda, the remote in her perfectly manicured hands, switched to the fourth season of The Office, nobody particularly caring that the show wasn't very festive, loving to rewatch the show any day. They finished the long season as well as the large amounts of popcorn, everyone too invested into the show to pay attention to the time. That is, until Friday told them that it was close to midnight.

   "Parker. It's late, I think you should go to bed now." Tony budged the resting teen slightly with his elbow, who nodded and headed to the elevator to go to bed. No sooner when he left, the familiar red haired assassin stepped out from the threshold, a pristine letter clasped in her fingers.

   "Here it is. Although I have to say Rodgers, I was upset to find out I never got my cocoa." Steve rolled his eyes with a shrug. Natasha slid her sharp nail under the clasp and pulled at the seal, breaking it and lifting out the paper. She cleared her throat and began to read.

"Dear Santa Claus.
First of all, I think you're overrated.

I've been asking you very kindly since I was four for a mini go-cart, the specially customised avengers one in target. It's been eleven years,  cheapskate, give me my goddam bike or I'll shoot your manky beard off - seriously, you must have crumbs of cookies from when Jesus was born.

Also, what kind of perv asks kids to sit on your lap for a photo? And you break into houses to deliver presents? Don't you know that's illegal, dumbass? Get caught, get killed. So beware. Because I bought a gun from Deadpool and I'm not afraid to use it.

Bring me my fucking cart.

Sincerely, Peter Parker."

   It took a total of ten seconds for the team to burst into laughter. They had expected a short and sweet letter about spreading kindness and love, not a death threat. Sam immediately dived out of his seat and next to the area with pens and paper where Peter previously was, picked up the paper and started to read as he wrote.

  "Dear Peter Parker.
Thank you for the letter.

Unfortunately, I don't negotiate with terrorists, brats, or weapon owners; categories which I associate you with.

I'm not afraid of you and your weak threats.

Don't be an asshole to the guy who controls the coal and gifts.

Sincerely, Santa Claus."

  Clint took the letter and sealed it, before sneaking into Peter's room undetected and shoving the letter under the sleeping teen's pillow. Clint stopped for a few seconds, cooing at the cuteness before sliding out of the room. Snickering and giving a thumbs up to the team as he walked past, Clint reached into the fridge in the kitchen, pulled out a single ice cube and put it in his mouth.

   Steve, who happened to be in the kitchen fixing up a sandwich for himself and Bruce, rolled his eyes at his weird friend, placed the jar of peanut butter back and walked off, leaving Clint to mock Steve behind his back.

-.-

   "Santa ain't nothing but a bitch, lasagne," Peter scoffed as he crumpled the letter from Santa in his hands. "I am so gonna get that red leather wearing, white beard scratching, red cheeked fucker!"

  "Hey, watch your language. Steve, give him a timeout!"

   "Barton, I swear to god-"

   "Shut up, I need to think. Okay, so I have a AK-47 from Wade, Bucky has several 460 magnums, I'm sure I can borrow some knives from Nat. Maybe Fury can lend me his bazooka? That would be funny. Blowing Santa to bits, l-o-l." Peter continued to vocally brainstorm, walking back and forth in his position.

That is one weird kid, each avenger thought to themselves. Who would want to kill Santa just for no go-cart?

Tony had decided that it would be disgraceful if anyone said anything to Peter about the letter. It would make him suspicious, thus leading Peter to find out that they read his letter, and that Santa wasn't real. So they let Peter do his own thing. He schemed about the different ways he would murder the gift giver, enough to make even Loki jealous. The avengers found this a little concerning, picking up stray pieces of crayoned paper with a decapitated Santa, a speech bubble over his head that read: ouch!

(Kudos to Deadpool for helping Peter draw)

And now it was December 24th, a few hours til midnight. Peter was sitting beside the large Christmas tree by the window, heavily armed with guns from rifles to handguns, a range of kitchen knives as Natasha refused him a few of her specially customised knives. She had claimed he was "acting ridiculous", but everyone knew she was worried for his safety.

Now, all they had to do was wait for Santa.

And wish that Peter wouldn't accidentally shoot himself when he hears a bug.

Wow. Yeet

Ugh idk

Okay so Wattpad stats are a thing? How do i do it?

THERE ARE REQUESTED CHAPTERS COMING DONT WORRY!

Also like what, my fav author noticed me!!!! She was like 'hey I read your stories, they're awesome and funny. I like you're style' and I was like FREAKING OUT

Anyways I love her ❤️💞💓💗🧡💚💞💝💓🧡🧡💗💚💓💝💚💞🧡💝💛💝💓❤️💗🧡💚💞💗🧡💘💙💕💓💞💙💚💖💖🧡❣️💞🧡🧡💚💓💙💖💚💞🧡