i am amanda

Revenge (6)

We are oceans apart. I can't find you and you can't find me. I don't know how we'll meet again, but one day, when it's time for you to come visit, swim back, you know where my door is. Take your time, fly if you have to.

Today,
Just felt different then any other day. I felt like someone was here today, watching me. I felt like it was you.

It's going to be 4 months without you this January. Today just felt different because, it was a very dark day and because I kept feeling like you were here watching over me. The last hint you told me was,

"I love you sweetheart."

Then I never saw you again.

I never thought I would see you again like this, in my dreams. I would go visit you but I don't have a ride. So for now I guess I'll keep dreaming about you. That will keep me sane.

When summer comes, I'll come by and sit beside you with flowers. That I will promise.

I remember a lot from you, your trailer, your love for fishing. Your smile.

I will never forget the look on his face when we all came to his trailer. When my dad brought the boat up. You should of seen him glow. The smiles he brought that day. I'll never forget. Now that was the best summer of my life. But that was a long time ago. But still feels like it was yesterday.

The feel I had when I was at his trailer, I felt free and young. Well I was young but at the moment, it felt like I was the only one there to how much space and peace there was.

This is how I found out you died.
On September 17, 2018.
It was my birthday, and I had no idea that you passed. My father came home and told me happy birthday, I asked him if anyone died, because I just had a feeling and the vibe. He said, "Don't worry about it, no on died." And I said okay because why would my father lie to me?

The next day,
I woke up and it felt different. I walked to school earlier then I usually do and took the long way thru the park. I felt peace and the sky was still pink from how early it was. I got to school and it was a normal day.

During the day, I felt like something wasn't right. I knew something happened. But I told myself that it was nothing. I still had you.

At the end of the day, I got a ride home and went in my room. The house was quite. No one was home. That's what it usually is. I'm the one home first all the time. But this time walking into my room. It was way to quite.

I sat on my bed and thought, why I was feeling like this.

A couple of hours later my dad came home early. (To go to the gym and then come back home to get ready for the funeral but I didn't know at the time.)

When my dad left, I texted my cousin to see if I can go over because my dad has been already acting strange for a couple of days. Like he never goes out on the weeks days but this week he decides.

A couple of minutes later,
She texted me and said she was sorry, I asked her why and she said she was going to Amo Ali's funeral.

My heart dropped reading that. I sat on the floor and stared at my closet. Then the tears began.

I left my room and I went to go sit in the backyard. The sky was dark and it looked like it was gonna rain, but it didn't.

I looked up and I said,
"I'm sorry Amo."

I sat outside for 1 hour until he came back home.

My dad came home and I confronted him about what happened. I got mad and I left the house. My dad went to the funeral and I left my house for hours. I came home late.

When I came home,
I walked upstairs in my quite house and I opened my door and just looked around my room. I walked in and just sat on my bed.

That night, I slept but I couldn't get out of bed.

It feels like a hole has been punched thru my chest.

I need this hole gone.

Till this day,
I still don't believe that he's gone.

"When someone leaves you forever, it feels like they will never come back, but they will show you that they are here by giving you signs." "They will love you forever."
(Quote by me)