i am amanda

down we go

Welcome to my 2 AM thoughts soon to be 3 AM.

You always seem to be on my mind, whether it's in the morning, in the evening, before I go to bed, when I wake up, you seem to always be there.

You always told me you'll never leave.

But it's not gonna stop you from showing me that you will never stop loving me.

Ever.

Just because you left, doesn't mean you're gone forever.

Even when I was a little girl,
You always told me you're never leaving.

Because home is where you belong.

Ever since you left us behind, when you let go out of my hand. Maybe this was a lesson for me. You leaving this world, maybe you're showing me that I have to grow and make my own path.

But right now it wasn't the best time for you to leave.

Not now.
Not ever.

Down I go, to where the inner demons grabbed me in the first place.

Down you go, to a place where no one knows. Except for you.

Down we go, it was a place where we don't want to be.

I will forever have guilt, and that's something I can't just let go.

I'm sorry for not being there,
For when you really needed me.

Because when I needed you,
You were there for me.
Always.

But when you needed me,
I wasn't there.

I will forever have shame.

The day you left me behind,
Was the day I realized how much you really loved me.

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry.

Down we go.