i am amanda

Revenge (7)

I know it's been hard. It's been hard for me to. I'm writing this because my help didn't work for you. I wanted to help you and try to be kind. I guess my words were to much. I was in the moment and felt like you were "using" me to get information about - and - . Even when you two were together you would always ask me questions about them. "Does He talk to her?", "Do they sit beside each other?" Those questions for example. Even my own friends ask me, "Why does - only text you when she needs something?", "Why is it that she needs something from you but when you need something she won't do the same for you?", "She's using you, don't you see?" I was starting to believe them. I have accepted that you don't want to talk about other things. Our conversations are always about him or drama, etc. I didn't want our friendship to be like this, nor I want it to end like this. For a very long time I tried to satisfy everyone else by trying to make them happy except me. I put them first instead of me, and I should be happy. We all deserve that. It's our last year in high school. I don't want to fight with anyone like this, for example, fighting or arguing over stupid things. Being jealous, revenge. I have see it happen with my friends and it doesn't/ didn't end well. I haven't talked to you in 2 weeks. And I feel like space is good for everyone. It got me thinking. To feel peace. When you texted me on the last day of school, I was surrounded by friends, so I felt like I had to say something. I was influenced to say those things. I apologize. But sometimes I feel like you don't understand how to tell me how you feel, instead of saying, "Stop texting me" and ignoring what I have to say. Tell me, "it's not about that" or "I don't want to talk about it" instead of giving me attitude. You are my friend, and I care about you a lot, I hope you understand that, but sometimes I feel like you don't. But In a way, I feel like you took my advice the wrong way, or what I was saying that wrong way. I didn't mean to sound mean. I was genuinely trying to help you. I'm not the person to get involved in that kind of stuff. I hope you understand I meant no harm. You are a very sweet and loving girl. You deserve everything. But sometimes, you have to watch what you say, it could hurt someone's feelings. Sometimes I feel like if your only going to text me when you need something or "help" then I feel like we shouldn't talk anymore. I don't want to be that friend that starts drama or tries to spill stuff to you. I want to be the friend that will help you anytime or when you feel sad I will be the one to make you feel better. And if you need to laugh I will be the one telling you jokes and stories better then Tana Mongeau ;). I hope your okay. And what ever happens, happens. Please take care of yourself.

-Aly