i am amanda

the man behind the charm

I firmly believe you don't meet people on accident, they come in your life for a reason; whether they stay or leave. It's either a lesson or a blessing. It's okay to have hope. You never know what life will throw at you.

I see a man,
Well at least I thought he was
At first, nothing caught my eye,
Then it hit me

I found the feeling I haven't felt in years.
Prolly ever since Jameson
I got no bad feelings,
Just amazing ones

Your big brown eyes
Curly hair
Big beautiful smile
Charming face
Glowing eyes

You had it all
Looks
Money
Friends

You have it all

What I didn't notice was
Your a coward
You make yourself seem like all that
When your not

I should have known that you aren't man enough to tell me the truth,
When deep down I knew,
I just didn't wanna believe it or think it

It wasn't a loss,
It was a gain

He taught me a lot actually,
Self love
Patience
Bravery
Confidence
To believe
Having faith

I thank him for that.

I use to ignore others texts
But only answer yours

Your smile
Made me melt

And I thought to myself,
How did I get so lucky?

He made me feel
Worth it

He somehow
Made all the pain go away

But he will never know
He'll never know how I felt truly
He'll never know the pain I felt
He'll never know what others did to me
He'll never know what he did to me

You want to be tough,
But deep down,
I know you have a weak spot

We all do,

Mine just happened to be Jameson...
And
Maybe you

You numbed me for months
It was like getting high,
I felt nothing but
Happiness

An alarm went off in my brain
I knew that
Time has come

You then became a
Child

And left without
Giving me an explanation

I felt worthless and unappreciated
I felt broken and damaged
Felt like I was used
And lemme tell you
That shit fucking hurts

Why pull a front
When you can be the man I know deep down you are?

A heartbreak feels like you are dying
You feel numb and,
You can't really explain it
You just don't feel like your in the present moment

That night, I felt like I was fading
I cried for a day and,
I haven't cried since

I felt dead

So if anyone asks you,
"You must of killed someone with all your heart shopping."

Don't you dare say,
You never killed anyone

Cause that night
You killed me

I saw the man behind the charm

You know the truth
You can lie
You can tell a different story
Say and do what you want

You know the truth
I'm not gonna say anything
Cause this is my truth
My story

This is a chapter I'm closing
My life will change
And for the better

If you can't treat me right,
There's a fucking door

You made me feel worthless that night
But a few days went by and I realized

I wasn't crying over you,
I was crying cause I am sick and tired of getting treated like this over and over again

I deserve better

Your just like Jameson
You look like him
Act like him
But the only difference is

You actually cared about me
And
Made me feel
Special

I'll always have a place for you in my heart
But
Will I forgive?
Yes, I will
Will I forget?
No, I won't

You always told me how straight forward you were

Well that night you weren't

I'll never forget
Crying on the floor,
Laying on the floor with tears
Streaming down my face
With my phone going off
With texts and calls from my friends
Asking what happened

You wanna know what happened?

I was lied to and dropped

He said,
"I'll always be there for you."

Bullshit
I kept telling him,
"I'll leave if I'm wasting my time."
And it seemed like he didn't want me to,
I stayed
That's why I stayed
I learnt a lot
And with this,
I will use for the next one

I'm gonna run next time

If your reading this,
And you know this is about you
Look what you did
Look what you lost
You did everything you said
You wouldn't do

Cause I never thought
You'd be like this

Like Jameson

Did I love you?
I don't know

That's a question I'm still asking myself

*****************

Here's advice for the next one,

Run