more than this | grayson dolan (book one)

thirty four

Darkness. That's all I see around me. Complete and utter darkness.

I storm through the front door of my house while my tears grow heavier. Jake clearly didn't change the locks yet, making it an easy entrance. I throw my bag on the floor and place my hand over my chest.

I can feel the movement of my heart shattering into a billion tiny pieces. Tears take over my face as I sit down on the floor, leaning against the wall. I can't breathe, not that I really want to.

I fucked everything up. I ruined the only good I had in my life, and that was Grayson. It took so long to realize it, but now it's hitting me like a truck. He is the only person who really makes me feel safe and secure.

I ran to his house twice because my brain knew that he would be the person to calm me down. My fucked up life and trust issues ruined it all for me. Why did I even go to Tom's house last night? I don't want him, at least not anymore.

I was so desperate to get the thought of Grayson out of my mind because I'm still scared. Now he hates me, and he has every right to. I even hate myself. The broken look on his face makes my skin ache with guilt. God, why can't I let anyone in? I place my hands over my ears and scream out in pain. I just want everything to stop.

"Stella?" The sudden voice coming from the front door makes me release my hands from my head. "It's me, please open up." Ethan's soft voice says through the wood.

My eyebrows furrow as I slowly stand up and move toward the door. My hand turns the knob while I swing it open.

"Stella." Ethan whispers as he stares down at me.

"What are you doing here?" I scoff while sobbing.

"I followed you to make sure you were okay." He nervously gulps. "Can I come in?"

"Whatever." I mutter and walk away from the door.

"Stella I just-"

"I ruined it, Ethan." I continue to sob as I turn back to him. "I ruined everything with Grayson. Now he fucking hates me."

"No, he doesn't." He immediately shakes his head. "He's just hurt."

"Yeah, because of my actions." I whisper while looking down.

"Hey, look at me." Ethan's hushed whisper sends a chill through my body as he gently places his hand on my shoulder. "It's okay."

"How is this okay? Your brother is heartbroken because of me. I hate myself." I cry harder as he engulfs me into a warm hug. I wrap my arms around his torso as I cry into his chest.

"It's okay because he loves you." Ethan lowly mutters while holding my body.

"Do you believe him?" I ask while sobbing.

"Yes, I do. I have never seen Grayson love anybody in his life."

"I don't know what to do." I slowly pull away from him and look down to the floor.

"Let it all out, all of your feelings that are bottled up. Tell me everything that you're feeling." He grabs onto my hand as a friendly gesture to calm me down.

"We first made out after the carnival." I admit while looking up at him.

"Wow, really?" He whispers in shock.

"We were drunk and in the pool, and he just consumed me. We promised to never speak of it and continued on with the challenge."

"How did he know you lived here?" He gulps while glancing around my house.