more than this | grayson dolan (book one)

thirty six

The hot sun beats down on my tanned skin as I walk through hyde park. This area will always remind me of my time with Grayson. The day we swam in the lake was the first time I didn't find him annoying, it was the first time I actually enjoyed his company.

I let out a deep breath as I get closer to the wooden bench that is next to the water. My eyes land on Ethan and Lanie anxiously sitting there, waiting for my arrival. I press my lips together as I slowly walk over to them. The sound of my sneakers drag along the grass, making their heads turn to look at me.

"Stella, hey." Ethan whispers as he stares at me.

"Hi guys." I gulp as I stand in front of them.

"We're glad you came." Lanie lightly grins.

"You texted me saying it was important." I shrug as I look between the two of them.

"We wanted to talk to you about-"

"Grayson?" I mutter as I cut Ethan off.

"Sort of." Lanie answers for her boyfriend.

"There isn't really much to say anymore." I gulp as I look down at my dirty shoes. "We haven't talked in almost two weeks."

"He's been a wreck without you." Ethan lowly chimes in.

"Then why hasn't he called me?" I snap back at his statement.

"He's just as terrified as you are." Lanie defends him.

I shake my head back and forth as I turn my face away from their view. My eyes peer at the water while letting out a sigh.

"Look, he doesn't know how to deal with feelings like this." Ethan stands up and steps in front of me. "He has never opened up to anyone before, ever. He's only cared about himself his entire life."

"Me too." I let out a frustrated groan as I run a hand through my hair.

"We just hate that you two aren't speaking." Lanie says from the bench.

"It's all my fault. I lost him." I admit while looking back at Ethan.

"Does that scare you?" Lanie slowly rises from her seat.

I look back at her and nervously gulp. "Yeah, I guess it does."

"Remember what I said to you at the mall?" She lowly whispers as she stares at me.

My breathing stops as my heart beats faster. "You said that you know you love someone so deeply when the thought of losing them scares you."

"Stella, it's okay to open up to him." Ethan nods his head with a small smile.

"What if it doesn't work out?" Negative thoughts fill my brain. "Then I'll be scarred with memories of a failed relationship."

"What if it does? What if you two spend the rest of your lives together being happy because you have each other?" Lanie goes back at me.

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself." Ethan lowly snaps me into reality.

I turn my head to look at him. Goosebumps take over every inch of my skin as his eyes pierce into mine. "What?"

"Life sucks, but shit happens to everyone. Turn the negatives into positives and start taking risks in your life." He further explains with a stern tone.

"My feelings for him make me weak." I mutter while looking down.

"No, they actually make you strong." Ethan's powerful words send electric waves down my spine.

"This is weird." I admit with a small laugh.

"What is?" Lanie furrows her eyebrows.

"Talking about my feelings for..... Grayson." I slowly state.