AVENGERS: Project Angel.

PART 28.

ANGEL POV:
As soon as I've finished eating I stand, Sam looks a little sad “You sure you won't tell me what's going on? I can help.” “You wouldn't understand.” “Then help me to, I want to help.” I look into his eyes, searching for some truth in that sentence.

He wants to help me?

After a few seconds I take a breath “I don't know who to trust, who to believe.” “Okay, you don't have to tell me the details of you'd prefer.or a moment just forget about who said which thing, focus on what they said. Which seems more likely, which makes more sense?”

HYDRA are experimenting for the greater good, HYDRA accepted volunteers, they wanted to be a part of HYDRA. But the Avengers want to protect the planet, they told me they fought against aliens. The Avengers have Wanda who volunteered for HYDRA with her brother, who is now dead thanks to the Avengers. They also have Soldat, he kept having his memory wiped… Why did they wipe his memory?

I groan and lean in the island “I don't know!” He gently rubs my back “That didn't help, okay… Let's try it the opposite way, think about the people. Think of why you're doubting each one and why you shouldn't be.”

My dad, he brought me into HYDRA, if I ask about something he tells me, I should be able to trust the man who raised me, he just wanted to make me happy. The Avengers stormed into our facility, called it rescuing, what have they done with the experiments now? But they seem so nice… Soldat, right in the middle, he was HYDRA, now an Avenger, why did he switch?

“Angel?” I shoot up from the chair to see Soldat standing in the doorway “I need you to tell me the truth.” He looks a little alarmed “About?” “HYDRA.” He approaches “You haven't wanted to talk about it before, why now?” “I'm conflicted.” He suddenly turns angry “Have you spoken to someone!?” Sam gets up and tries to calm him down “Bucky, settle down.” “Have you spoken to someone other than an Avenger? Angel, report!” “Yes.” I clamp a hand over my mouth.

Why did I respond to that!?

“Who did you speak to? Tell me!” “My dad.” “No. No… You haven't left the tower, how could he have possibly spoke to you!?” “Bucky, you really need to settle down, we can figure this out.” “Fuck off Sam!” Sam starts heading away, but I grab his arm “Please don't leave.” He nods and remains beside me, Soldat looks like he's going to murder me “Soldat, please… I don't know who to believe.” “Why are you even considering believing them!? After everything they've done! After all of the people they've changed! After all the people they experimented on! Do you not remember what I was like when I was at your facility!? That wasn't me! I am finally getting towards being me again! I am finally recovering from HYDRA! Nothing in that place did any good for me! Nothing!”

Nothing… Then he doesn't care about me.

I feel a tear leak from my eye “You want to know what happened to me at HYDRA!? I was tortured! Experimented on! Used against the people I cared about! I murdered so many people! I still see their faces, hear their pleading voices at night! All because of HYDRA! They made me into who I am! They made my life a living hell! My life has been a lie since they took me! I finally have my best friend back and it still isn't the same! Do you understand!?”

I understand, I understand that you aren't who I thought you were.

I run from the room, Sam hot on my heels “Angel.” I can feel the tears streaming down my face as I run past all the other Avengers exiting the elevator. They look on in shock as I run for the door to the stairs, I run down the stairs as fast as I can without tripping. When I get to the floor my room is on I keep running and open the door, I don't close it behind me, knowing Sam is still there and believing that since he is still running that he'll stay. My vision is blurry from my tears, I need to calm down and I have an idea of how, I pull off my shoes and socks “Angel, take a deep breath, we'll figure this out.” I then pull down my pants, revealing my underwear, he doesn't look down “What are you doing?” I pull my shirt over my head and walk to the bathroom in just underwear, I shut the door behind me and lean against the back of the door for a second to catch my breath. From outside I hear Sam “I'll wait in here, take as much time as you need. I'll leave some clean clothes just outside the door.”

Oh Sam, you might just save my life.

I pull my bra off and a piece of paper flutters to the floor, it's the paper my dad had given me, my pants had no pockets so I stuffed it in my bra. I unfold the paper and read the words, trying to understand their meanings but having no luck.

Longing, rusted, furnace, daybreak, seventeen, benign, nine, homecoming, one, freight car.

I finish stripping and turn on the water, as I take a much needed shower I repeat the words over and over in my head as I calm down.