Wings - A Hamilton Fanfic - Lams, Mullette, and Jeffmads

Chapter Twenty One

John's P.O.V.

Alexander and I walk through the forest peacefully, enjoying each other's company and the serenity of the woods. Birds chirping, crickets clicking, and the sound of bears eating rabbits are all heard by Lexi and I. I was giving him a tour of Wolfpine when I saw the path to the forest, and well, here we are. I sigh contentedly, without a single care in the world. I glance to Alex, and I notice that his eyes are glazed over, like he's thinking of something else.

"Whatcha thinking?" I tease in a sing-song voice, bringing up his hand (which is holding mine) and kissing it. Alexander blinks and smiles. He looks up through the trees into the sky, which is a brilliant shade blue. It's about noon, so we should head back soon to eat. Gosh, we really should eat at my favourite cafe! I'll suggest it later, I suppose.

"I guess I'm just thinking about the future," Alexander starts, still looking up at the sky. We've stopped now, and the forest just seems so very still. I frown slightly.

"You mean like, after the war?" I lean up against him slightly, taking a deep breath. Alexander chuckles.

"No, more like when I have to leave Wolfpine to go back to Base 1732. I mean," He adds on once he sees my expression. "I have to go back eventually, right? So I guess I'm thinking about the work I've got to do, the people I need to talk to..." Something flashes in Alexander's eyes like he just remembered something. "Yeah...people I need to talk to... Anyway, I think that WAY into the future, after the war which we're probably going to win, cus you know I'm helping, I'm sure I've procured a good spot in Newtide, which is the capital remember, where we can live! And I'll be helping Major General Washington, being an all-around amazing person, and my legacy will be secure. Hey Johnnie, they might even rename a street after me. Wouldn't that be awesome!? Goodness, me, I better start getting ready to get back to work," He goes on and on about legacy, Base 1776 becoming famous, and us living an amazing life in Newtide (which I've never actually been to) when it hits me. Where in his plan of legacy and riches, does it include me? All he's said is US living an amazing life, US moving to Newtide. I get that one day we MIGHT break up, but this is Alexander Hamilton we're talking about. He thinks he's figured his whole life out, so when in his great plan do we get married?

I gradually stop smiling. Alexander goes on and on, about legacy and Newtide and work and legacy and Newtide and work and-

"Alex," I say, but he goes on, not even registering that I spoke. "Alex," I say again, a bit more sternly. My heart quickens. If I were someone else, would he treat them the same way? Would he not even pay attention to them? I think about what it means if the answer is yes, and what it means if the answer is no. Gosh, which is worse? Both lead to the outcome that he doesn't care about me. I shake my head internally. No, no, think about the dates we've had. The meals we've shared. The nights we've slept beside one another. That must count for something.

Right?

"ALEXANDER," I say, almost shout at him. Finally, he stops midsentence and flicks his dark brown eyes to me. I haven't even noticed, but my eyes are watery. "Do you even care about me? If I were someone else, would you still be loving them the same way that you 'love' me?" I say to him, a lone tear running down my face. Alexander blinks.

"Huh? John, of course, I care about us," He amends. "You know that my ambition is a huge part of me, so maybe I was getting carried away a little-"

"So that's it, is it?" I cut him off before he starts ranting again. "You care about me, but just because you need someone as your husband or wife for your 'legacy.' Gosh, that's it, isn't it?" My voice cracks a little but I keep going. "You obviously don't care, if you're so eager and ready to leave. Did you even miss me? Every day my heart ached and ached, wishing you were here with me. I was so upset when I got the news that you were staying. Did it even cross your mind to send letters to me?" Alexander stares at the ground, but once I say that he looks up.

"It did! I meant to mail you, but-"

"But you didn't. I understand everything now. You care about your legacy and your legacy alone. You'll do anything to up it and make it better," I'm ranting now. I'm in control. Alexander clenches his fists tightly.

"You don't understand."

I start to laugh, a cold sound that sickens myself to my core. I didn't know I was capable of making that sound. "Goodbye, Lexi," I turn away from him and start to walk away, into the forest. "Please, delete me from your great legacy. That would be good for you, wouldn't it?" I hold back a few tears as I take off and leave.

"Fine! Maybe it would be, Johnnie!" He shouts after me, before heading away, into the direction of Wolfpine. I understand everything now. I don't know how to feel. Heh, to be honest, I should expect it from him. He is Hamilton. And he'll never change.

I wonder where's he's off to. Perhaps to take out his anger on Thomas. I smile a little to myself. I wonder where I'm going. Wherever the wind blows, I suppose. Tears drop off my chin and down, down into the vast forest. It really is huge. Back when I was a child, I would only explore up to this long creek. I was planning to take Alexander to there and back, but now...

Ack! Stop it, John. Don't think of him. Just, breathe.

Breathe.

(1004 words)