Poetry: Symmetry and Reflections

My Blue Anesthetic

Things are not what they should be
I've found myself obsessing over what could be
trust in my foundation is dwindling
reduced to only ashes what was once kindling
I'm tired, fatigued, worn down
i need to get to stable ground
but I can't trust when feeling slighted
can't shake this off, and waited, but hasn't subsided
i glance in the mirror and hate what I see
this person looking back is just not me
I've never felt so bad for no apparent reason
and don't know what to do to get through this season
I've tried all i can to erase this blue
but the color still stains me, left with choices few

I've gone a month now and thought I nearly had it
now I'm further frustrated that I can't seem to grasp it
i shut myself off, to feel no more blue
and at first was nice to do something new
but being emotionless drains yourself of everything
to the music of life, I lost the voice to sing
the bad feelings gone, but so is the good
I'm a zombie shell of routine, not being who I should

life is meant to be lived, and therefore life needs passion
without it is to live in somnambulist fashion
walking through emotionless, pumped full of anesthetic
is nothing fulfilling, and more apathetic
I'd rather feel bad than nothing at all
you can at least stand up when you acknowledge the fall
life is unexplainable and answers aren't always there
just a matter of finding peace where you're at,
even though life's not fair
funny that I knew it all right from the start
I knew it in my head but not in my heart

So for those who say happiness isn't forever
it also applies to sadness, these temporary endeavors
sometimes our reflection is distorted by our own eyes
look for a different perspective and you'll surmise
that you must accept who you are and where you're at now
it's part of the process to learn why and how
it's your story and only yours, constantly learning
to not just finish the race, and enjoy the journey.