Poetry: Symmetry and Reflections

Still Searching

It felt so long since I'd seen the sun
that blinded me instead of guiding me home,
dirt-stained hands from climbing out of this grave
yet they shouldn't be, it wasn't on my own,
i was but a lonely sheep
wandering and lost my way,
yet You searched for me as always
through skies black, blue, and gray.

Blessed are these arms that found and held me
and I can trust to never let go
thanks for these seeds of love planted
even though they slowly grow,
I'll never quite understand Your ways
but I know Your plans are best for me,
and still I doubt, but come back around
especially when You're testing me.

Lately I've felt somnambulist
a zombie walking among the living,
help me feel alive again
by dying to myself and giving,
i want to create something beautiful
to stir and wake up souls,
but how can i do it when I'm slumbering too?
so I must give You control.

I try to share myself to others
and make them feel at home,
so why is it, at the end of the day
that I somehow feel alone?
perhaps it's Your way of making me rely,
and depend upon Your cross,
still no more answers than yesterday
so if you're telling me something, its not getting across.

There's some kind of magnet in my being
always making me feel polarized,
no balancing or in the middle
I'm leaping back and forth to each of these sides,
even now my mind and words can't grasp
this "thing" that grips me now,
and ink will only temporarily
silence this awful sound,
so perhaps again I'm overthinking
making trouble up on my own,
but how do you fight against this "something"
when its identity is not yet known?

Just let me fall in a bed of peace
instead of falling to pieces,
teach me Your ways to hope and fight
until the day that this thing ceases,
we all have a thorn stuck in our side
no matter how shallow or deep,
whether dull or sharp, believe it or not
it has some purpose for us to reap,
maybe we're not supposed to focus so much
on trying to solve the problem,
maybe its more like finding hope in death
as leaves falling in the autumn,
so whoever you are, never forget
whether still struggling or atoned,
no matter what place with this that you're at
you are not the only one alone.