Poetry

Mending Heart

Is this what a mending heart feels like

This unfamiliar feeling in my chest

It hurts

And makes my stomach churn

But I think it's my heart mending

Is that even possible?

It can't be this easy can it?

Simply talk to a friend from the past

To stop fighting demons that aren't even there anymore

I hated for so long

That's fine

But they broke me

Shattered me into peaces

But I missed them

Those who cared

Then left

I thought I would never be friends again

Thought I should protect against another attack

Yet here I am

Conversing with the enemies

Like long lost friends

This can't be right?

Can it?

I hated them

I thought they hated me

Was I wrong?

Have I made up those demons?

No

They were real

But people grow

Time for me to stop playing scared child

Stop running away

I need to fess up

Stop playing victim

Playing dead

Is this the first step

Talking to a long lost fiend

Who I thought left me in the end

But she responded so fast!

Like she was happy to talk to me

Like she missed me too

Will she recognize me anymore?

I mean she seemed to

But what about when she finds out I'm not a she

I'm a he

Will she freak and run scared?

I just need closure

I realize now I've never gotten any from people I hated and loved

I ran scared

Tail between my legs

I never thought running could be so dangerous

Thought I didn't need closure

Now I'm a few steps closer

To a mended heart

Don't get me wrong

I've always been broken

I'll always be a monster

A demon

But maybe this way things will be less muddled

And more clear

Maybe I'll stop looking away in fear

Drop this foolish act

Grow up again

I always was mature

But I seemed to have aged backwards

Receding into a child to gain back my past

But it's time to move on

For this hear to mend into a better shape

Than this muddled mess that keeps erasing memories

Man who would have thought

That all it would take to mend my heart

Was to start talking to Emily