Poetry

Twisted and Mangled

More of your poisoned words

To warp and twist my already mangled sole

Make me think I'm at fault

I'm the monster

Not you

I scream at you hoping to get the message through

But you drown me out

Dump more poison into my veins

I can't speak

Or cry for help

You sewed my mouth shut

Didn't give me the vocabulary

To explain what it is exactly that you do to me

I thought mothers were supposed to love and heal

Not shred and kill

I'm drowning now

In all the expectations forced on me

You just say it serves me right

What did I do?

What crime did I commit?

Freedom of speech

Expressing myself

Oh it's all fun and fine

If it's what you approve

So now I lay

My mind mangled beyond recognition

Now I'm lashing out at anything

Pushing away from what I love

My life is suffering

All because you wouldn't let me own mine

You stare me in my eyes

Telling me all that's a lie

The worst is you aren't when you say it

Does that make you delusional

Or me the monster

Am I right to accuse you?

Or wrong as can be?

I've doubted this for years

Back and forth

Back and forth

Don't let the public see

The turmoil underneath

This family is 'normal'

It's 'loving' and 'accepting'

No it's not broken

I swear I'm fine

Just ignore the tears running silently down my face

I'm sure they'll go away

Now I all mangled up and confused

Stuck on the path of self destruction

I try to get off

But you don't let me have an off ramp

Instead you push me down this path

Faster

Further

I'm drowning

While my insides twist up

I refuse to apologize

For being broken

For having this emotional pain

For being all twisted up inside

For too long you've forced me to hide

I don't give a damn anymore

I don't care if people see my mangled insides