Suicidal Love

twenty three

Serena's POV:

I head in my closet, putting on my favorite plaid school skirt I bought when I went shopping with Cameron. I put on a black crop top and some black heeled boots. I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked okay. I was stick skinny now, I never ate much when I was homeless. I have been eating again, 3 meals a day, so my weight is coming back. I looked at my face. I never was the one to have acne or anything like that, but dark circles sure as hell weren't my friend. I put on some eye makeup so my face didn't look so... dead. I topped my outfit off with a black wide-brim hat. I grabbed my purse and walked downstairs. I saw Cameron standing there on his phone. This is the first time I have seen him on his phone since the hospital.

"You look beautiful." He said after he looked up. I giggled and we walked out to his car. He opened the door for me and I just looked at him.

"What?" He asked. "I'm trying to be a gentlemen!" I laughed at his gesture and got in the car. We started to drive in silence.

"So, I hope you know that we may get mobbed..." He sighed and grabbed my hand.

"Oh wow, I forgot... you're a big deal." I sighed. It never really mattered to me, but I remember when we went shopping, there were way more people mobbing him than I intended.

"I'm sorry.." He said.

"Don't be, it's not your fault!" I smiled faintly and squeezed his hand tighter. I could tell he was worried.

We got to the theater and there were already people outside.

"God damnit!" He hit the wheel and took a breath.

"Cameron, listen to me." He looked into my eyes. "It will be okay." I reassumed him, and he nodded. He opened my door for me and we walked into the theater.

"CAM LOVE ME!" "CAM I LOVE YOU" "OMG CAMERON DALLAS!!!" They all yelled, he waved to some and we made our way through the crowd and into the building.

"Two tickets for If I Stay." He asked and slid his credit card under the glass.

"Wow, are you Cameron Dallas?" The worker asked. She looked surprised.

"Um yeah." He scratched the back of his neck.

"Wow, I'm excited to see your movie come out next m-"

"Thanks." He said, grabbing my hand and the tickets, walking away. What movie was she talking about? We walked to the theater and sat in the back. His phone went off and he pulled it out.

"Cameron Dallas was spotted at the AMC Theater in downtown Los Angeles with a mysterious girl. The "Looking For Alaska" Star may have found his 'Alaska'." It read. I was stunned. I saw posters all over for that movie, but never bothered to read about the actors in it. I read the book and it was one of my favorites.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, somewhat angry.

"I figured it was best if you didn't worry about it. I don't want you to think that I think I'm all that now because I'm in a movie." He said quietly. "I'm sorry."

I couldn't be mad, his intentions were good. He just didn't want to hurt my feelings.

"It's okay." I said. He smiled and grabbed my hand.

"You are so beautiful." He said in a whisper, looking deep into my eyes. I didn't know how to respond. I went in panic mode.

"Uh, that's nice." I said, turning to face the screen.

"Sorry, I just-"

"It's okay. I'm just not used to it... anymore." I sighed. He used to always call me beautiful.

*flashback*

"STOP YOU'RE HURTING ME!" I laughed as Cameron tickled my sides.

"Under one condition."

"And that is."

"You watch Transformers with me." He said. I laughed at his 'nerdiness'.

"Fine." I said, and he squealed like a little girl. I lyed on top of his bed as he put the movie in the TV and pressed play.

He lyed on the bed next to me and let out a huge exhale.

"Ah, yes. Transformers, the greatest trilogy of all time." He said and I just rolled my eyes at his immature act.

After the movie ended, Cameron turned off the TV and looked at me.

"Now, you cannot tell me that Optimus Prime isn't the greatest Transformer EVER." He told me.

"Alright, he is really cool." I said, and we both giggled. He continued to look at me and didn't say anything.

"What?"

"Sorry, I just..umm.. nevermind"

"No it's okay. You can tell me."

"I think you are beautiful, Serena." He said.

"Cam please I-"

"I do, I really do. And that's why I don't understand why you are here." His temper got higher.

"It's not that I don't think I'm beautiful, it's just the past." I sighed.

"No matter what happened in the past, you still deserve to remain on this Earth." He almost was at a yell.

"Please, Cameron, keep your voice down." I said in a whisper.

"This makes me angry Serena. SO ANGRY. That's why I'm yelling. There are so many girls out there that tweet me or message me, telling me how I have saved them, but they have to leave because they aren't happy enough." He squeezes his eyes shut. "I feel like it's my fault. I feel like I'm a murderer. All those girls deserve their lives but they don't believe it. And it makes me furious. That's why I hate seeing you in here. You should be living your life out there." He gets off the bed and paces around the room.

"Cameron please." I get off the bed and grab his shoulders. "Nothing that those girls do is under your control. Don't hold yourself against what they did. Okay?" His eyes meet mine. He didn't say anything.

"Cameron, okay?" I repeated. Then he did something I would've never expected. He grabbed my face and kissed me.

*end of flashback*

I remembered those days perfectly. I remembered it all. Those days were the reason why I said yes to staying with him. Also, those days were when I found out I was in love with Cameron Dallas.