I'll Be Good

14

A hand lands on my shoulder slides down and two hands go under each armpit and I am being picked up. The smell of the deodorant... it's Eric's. He turns me around and picks me up. I wrap my arms and legs around me and he takes me away.

I have my face pressed against his shoulder, so I don't see where we are going, but I guess it's his apartment.

He opens his door and we go in. He kicks the door closed with the back of his foot. Then he brings me over to the couch and puts me down. Eric disappears into the bedroom, but comes back shortly after with a blanket which he wraps around me. He carefully takes my shoes off and makes sure I sit comfortably. Tears roll down my cheeks again. I feel so weird. On the one side I feel good, because I am with Eric and he is being so freaking nice, but on the other side I hate that I broke down like that and now I am breaking down again. However, he doesn't say a thing about it.

He walks over to his television and kneels down. He is looking for something in the closed where the tv is standing on. He takes out two controllers and turns on the tv. The screen immediatly jumps to a videogame. He hands me one of the controllers, kicks his shoes off and sits down close to me. Without saying anything he presses play. I have no idea what the game is, but I have played others before, so I know how the controller works and I just go along. It is a shooting game. We are both the same big guy with a gun in one hand. We are on the same team and we have to shoot others from different teams.

We play for a while and I am definitely better at aiming in a game than in real life. After half an hour of playing our first game, I die. He stays alive for another fiftheen minutes and when he dies he curses. Eric puts his controller on the coffee table, opens my blanket up and wraps it around himself too. I wrap my arm around his chest and we snuggle. He grabs his controller again and presses play.

'Hey, I'm not ready yet!' I say. He grins.

We play for hours and hours. Then he drops his controller on the table and takes mine and puts it next to his. He turns around and lies down on top of me with his face in my neck, knees on each side of my hips and slowly moving upwards. My whole body is burning, especially between my legs. I feel his hot breath against my neck and goosebumps appear all over my body. His piercings are cold and his stubble rubs against my skin. My hands goes into his hair. His hand is on my hip and his fingers slip under the waistband of my boxershorts. I want to kiss him. I want him to kiss me, because then I know that I am allowed to kiss him too. His other hand is now under my shirt on my back and I have never felt like this. I place my other hand on his back. My stomach is going crazy and my heart is beating so fast that it feels like it could explode out of my chest. And then I feel something. A bump getting bigger and bigger in Eric's pants. I didn't know that my heart could beat faster than this. He turns his hips away, gets up and disappears into the bathroom, leaving me here on the couch, out breath.

He comes back and puts his shoes on and throws mine at me.

'Lets get dinner,' he says without looking at me. He puts his jeans jacket on and puts his keys into his pocket. I follow him outside and we go down to the dining hall. He is acting all cold again and I have a feeling that it might be my fault.

We sit down together on a table. I see the other initiates sitting together. They glance over at us once in a while.

'Eric?' I ask.

'What?' He says without looking at me and taking a slice of pizza from the middle of the table. He also puts a slice on my plate.

'Wouldn't it be smarter to not hang out together when they see us? They all think... they think things that aren't true.'

'I don't care what they think.'

'But what if they say that I only do so good in initiation because of you.'

'That's not true, so why worry about that?' He says.

'Okay,' I mumble. I stare at him. There is grease from the pizza on his lips and he didn't shave this morning, so there is a bit of stubble on his cheeks and under his nose. He is so beautiful. Then he turns to looks at me and raises his eyebrows.

'What?' He snaps. Something breaks inside me.

'Nothing,' I say and look back at my pizza.

When we are finished eating Eric says: 'Come and see me in my office tomorrow afternoon.' I nod. Why does he want to see me there tomorrow? I don't know what to do now. I see Ross and Tori, but they probably don't want to talk to me, so I just go upstairs to the dormitory.

When I am there I get my pyjamas and go take a shower. The water from the shower is a bit cold, but I don't mind. My body is burning like hell. I press my fingers between my legs and I am still wet. One finger slips inside me.

-

I lay in bed, wet hair and warm pyjamas. All I can think of is Eric. The other initiates enter and I act as if I am sleeping.

'I can't believe Ellis turned out like this,' I hear Ross say.

'You never noticed the little slut in them?' Tori says sarcastically.

'Sssh, they're here,' Ross says quickly.

Tears roll over my cheeks.

'Ellis was the super virgin, you know? I always thought they would stay one until they were like 30,' Ross says.

'Alright.'