I'll Be Good

36

I'm laying in our room everyone is asleep. I have moved away from Matthew during the night. I can't stay so close to him. I stare at him. That might be considered creepy, because he is asleep, but I don't care. When I look at him and think about what happened between us I feel disgusted. I really fucking did that. Why did I do that? I want Eric, but leaving now and going back to dauntless isn't a great decision. I won't be welcomed back. And what if I find Eric and Emma in the same bed.

I can't.

I want to scream.

I can't.

-

I wake up from a weight on top of me. Matthew has rolled over and layed down on me. I look over at the other side of the room Four and Tris are gone.

'Good morning,' Matthew says. He kisses me and his hands run over my body. I softly push him away.

'I can't,' I say. 'It is too soon.'

'What do you mean?'

'Have you any idea how weird and wrong it is that we had sex? Firstly, I'm not sure if Eric and I broke up. Secondly, you are way older than I am.'

'What are you trying to say?' He gets off of me. 'Are you accusing me of raping you?'

'No, of course not. I'm just saying that everything is weird right now. Eric and I are complicated and it feels like I cheated on him.'

'But it isn't like you're going back to him, right?'

'I don't know.'

-

I hear a big BOOM. Everyone gets up. People are screaming. I put my shoes on and get mh gun out of reflex. Everyone moves to the big hole im the building wall to look what happened. A small bomb has gone off at the end of the street. The dauntless army is standing there.

'Everyone get down!' Someone screams. Shortly after bullets shoot at us. I run away and hide.

'Run!'

Someone grabs me and pulls me away. It is someone from candor. She helps me get out. All the divergents leave the building and run the other way. The army is fast and when I look behind ne I see that there are not only dauntless inbetween them. I see all kinds of colours. Everyone who is willing to fight is there. I keep running. I hear gunshot. People around me fall down. I can't just stop to help them. I can't. I keep running. The gun is in my pants and I take it out. I take a turn and press my back against the wall while catching my breath. I turn around with the gun held in two hands in front of me. I am still so bad at this. I try to aim, but end up just shooting in any direction. I see some people fall, but I don't know if that is because I hit them or not. I start running again.

My footsteps sound so loud in this deserted ally. I see people running by at the end of the ally. I run towards it, because it is my only way. I see people from my side throwing rocks. I fire some shots at the unfamiliar faces. I don't know if I've hit one of them, because I don't look. I just run.

Pain goes through my whole body. I fall on the ground.

-

Someone in slapping my face.

'Wake up. Please wake up.'

A drop falls onto my face. I slowly open my eyes. I see Eric with tears in his eyes. His face is dirty and there are a couple of small scabs and cuts on his face, neck and arms.

'You're awake,' he says quickly. I nod, but it hurts. I cringe. 'You have to get away from here. Lets get away from here.' He looks around scared for someone to get around the corner. He picks me up. One of my arms goes over his shoulder and he supports my body while we shuffle away.