I'll Be Good

31

Today Eric and I go back to the hospital in erudite to get my bandages off and I'll be able to see my chest. Eric is packing lunch in the kitchen while I spray deoderant over my body. I wasn't allowed to shower this week and I smell so bad. My hair is greasy and I hate it. Eric throws his backpack over his shoulder.

'Ready?' He says. I nod. I'm nervous. I have no idea how my chest is going to look like. What if it's ugly? What if my nipples fall off? What if I'm so swollen that it looks like I still have breast tissue. Eric takes my hand.

'We'll take the car. I'm not going to let you jump into a train like this,' Eric says and presses his lips on the top of my head. We leave the apartment while holding hands.

-

It's a quiet car ride. I'm nervous and Eric knows. He doesn't say a word and i'm glad he doesn't. I know that if he says anything I'll respond irritable, because that's what happens when I'm nervous. He parks the car in the parking lot of the hospital and together we enter.

I tell the woman of administration thag I'm here and she tells me that I could be called in at any minute. She's right. It doesn't take long before a nurse comes to get me. Eric and I follow her into a room. She tells me to take my sweater and post-op binder off and then sit on the table. I'm on the table with only bandages that cover my chest. The nurse puts on gloves and then starts to pull the bandages off. She does it slowly, because the skin underneath it is irritated.

'There are so many spots,' I say. 'It's gross.'

The nurse laughs.

'How was this week?' She asks.

'It was fine. I was tired, so I slept a lot,' I tell her.

'How was sleeping on your back?'

'Horrible the first two days, because I mostly sleep on my stomach. It was fine later on. I was very tired, so I think that that helped too.'

She laughs again.

'And did the dauntless leader take good care of you?'

I laugh.

'Of course,' I say. Eric doesn't respond. His eyes are focused on the nurses hands and how she pulls the bandages off. My chest is exposed now. I look down and I'm filled with happiness. The swelling isn't that bad. It's just bruised a lot. On my nipples are sponge like things. The nurse inspects my chest.

'It looks really good. There is a little bit of swelling on you left side, but that will go down quickly of you keep wearing the binder. The bruising is almost gone. It is yellow, you see, that means it is in it's last stage. I will now take the sponges off your nipples. It might be a weird feeling,' she says. I feel so happy. I smile at Eric and he gives me a small smile back. Is he nervous?

I look the other way when she starts to stab the sponge with a sharp pointy thing.

'That is a really weird feeling,' I say.

It takes a while before she's done, but when she is done and I look down, I feel great. My nipples look weird, because it has a layer over it, but they look like they are in the right place.

'That layer means it is healing,' the nurse says. 'Do you want to see yourself in the mirror?'
I nod.

She opens a closet door and on the inside of the door there is a full length mirror. I get up and walk over to the mirror. I look great. My right side is better than my left side. My right side has a tin and straight line. My left side is still swollen and the scar is a little more round. I really don't care. It looks so good.

'You can take your binder off for one hour a day. In this time you can shower. Don't let the water hit your chest, but let it drip over your body. Your nipples will burn before you notice,' she explains.

-

Eric and I sit outside while eating a sandwich. We watch how the people in blue who walj by look at us weird. They know who Eric is. Some of them even greet him.

-

'Eric, could you wash my hair?' I ask.

'Of course,' he says.

We go into his bathroom. 'How do you want to do this?' He asks.

'I'll sit in the bathtub and you wash my hair,' I say. I take my clothes off. I look in the mirror at my chest before I sit down in the bathtub. Eric takes his shirt off to prevent it from getting wet. He turns the shower on and waits for it be the right temperature. He gently pushes my head back and makes my hair wet. I close my eyes while I enjoy his hands im my hair. He puts shampoo on his hands and then rubs it into my hair. I suddenly feel lips on mine. They are gone before I can enjoy it.

-

Eric and I watch a movie together. He has to get back to work tomorrow. I have another week off. Eric pulls me closer. I put my hand on his thigh. His nose is in my hair. We can never normally watch a movie. I don't have enough concentration and then I like to touch Eric. And when I start touching him, we can't go back. His lips grace my neck. We haven't been physical since my surgery and I'm not planning to be now, but this is nice. I bring my hand inside his sweatpants and find the same spot on his tight. I draw circles with my fingers and slowly go upwards. Eric starts to breathe more heavily. He suddenly grabs my hand and puts it right where he wants it to be. In his boxers. My hand goes up and down. He breats faster and faster and right when his whole body tenses up and he comes, someone knocks on the door. Eric kisses me. The person starts to knock louder. Eric completely ignores it. The knocking sounds angry now.

'Eric,' I say.

'You go,' he says.

'Of course,' he says. 'I can't show up like this,' he says pointing at the dark wet spot on his clothes. I laugh. I get up and he goes into the bedroom. I open the door.

'Hello,' George says. Before I can say anything he say: 'why did it take so long before you could open the door?'

'I don't know,' I say frowning. I see now that he is holding a bottle. Eric comes out of the bedroom with new clean clothes and stands next to me. He puts his arm around my shoulders.

'George, leave. You are drunk. Go bore someone else,' Eric says. George stares at us and then stumbles away without saying anything.

'We should help him,' I say.

'Trina is already coming,' Eric says.

'Hi, Ellis,' Trina says when we lock eyes.

'Hi,' I murmer. She grabs George's arm.

'Sorry about him,' she says and drags him away without saying anything more.