I'll Be Good

21

Eric shuts his laptop after a few hours. I am getting drowsy. Probably because I haven't done anything this afternoon and just sat on the couch with Eric's hands in my hair. Eric leans back with his eyes closed. His arm is somewhere behind me and his hand is out of my hair. I am still pressed against his warm body. I curl up my legs and yawn.

'Sleepy?' He asks, but seconds later he yawns too. It is cute how his nose scrunches up. I nod against him. 'Lets get some sleep,' he says and gets up. I am not sure what to do. Do I sleep here or do I follow Eric or...

But he takes my hand and pulls me with him to his bedroom. My mind goes back to the morning he saved me out of the shower cubicle. His room felt so much warmer then. It feels like a fridge in here now.

'Here,' he says and throws one of his shirts at me. He disappears into the bathroom and it locks. I take my shirt of, hesitate for a second and then also take my binder off. Sleeping in a binder isn't healthy, but I don't like it when other people see me without it. I put the shirt on and take my pants off. I don't like how his shirt looks like a dress on me, so I tuck a bit of the front of my shirt in my boxers. I neatly place my clothes on an empty chair. I hear him brush his teeth. He spits and seconds later the bathroom door opens. His smirks when he sees my bare legs. He takes his shirt off and it takes me off guard. I stare at his chest and then his stomach. There is a tin scar from the attack. The stuff erudite makes is very powerful, because without it there would still be a wound.

'See something you like?' He asks me then and I am brought back to reality.

'Just admiring how fast your wound has healed,' I say a bit too quickly. One of the corners of his mouth goes up. He takes a piece of clothing (I can't make up what it is) and goes back into the bathroom. This room is so freaking cold. I wrap my with goosebumps covered arms around me. My legs are also full of goosebumps and I shudder. I hear him pee, which is really weird. The toilet flushes, the door unlocks and he appears in a tank top and shorts.

'Why aren't you in bed yet?' He asks. He stalks towards me. My heart beats fast. He pushes me onto the bed and climbs on top of me. He brushes his lips against me in a teasing way. He is trying to make me beg for him, which is working. I bring my hands to the back of his head and pull him against me. Our lips crash together. His hand goes to my hip and one of his fingers slips under the waistband of my boxers. His hot finger presses against my cold skin. His lips leave mine and he presses his lips on my neck and then right below my collarbone. He nibbles on my skin and sucks. Its going to leave a mark. His hips move against mine. I swear I hear my name against my skin. My hands move over his back, trying to pull him closer. He brings his head to my ear and whispers: 'go to sleep, El.'

He pushes himself off of me and the cold flashes back over me. I get under the covers, but those are also cold. Eric turns off the light of his night stand and it is dark. Very dark. I roll over a bit until I hit Eric's chest. And wrap my arms around his waist.

'What are you doing?' He asks. I immediately move away from him, heart beating fast.

'Jeez, I was just joking,' he says. It stays silent. And then his hand finds mine and he pulls me close to him, my stomach against his. 'Why are you so afraid of me?' He whispers against my forehead. 'Why was I in your fear landscape?' He says these words even softer. My heart beats fast. His hands leave mine and go up to my neck. 'Your heart is beating fast.' His voice is weird. Intimidating and nervous at the same time. He likes to make me think he isn't afraid of anything, but I know better. He fears that people will find out that he does have human emotions. That he can love something or someone. that he can be scared. Scared of rejection.

'Eric,' I whisper after a long silence.

'Hmm?'

'I am cold,' I say then and he wraps his arms around me pulling me closer and one of his legs swings over my hip. I can feel every inch of him and I have never been this comfortable and nervous at the same time. I don't know why -after all this time- he still makes me this nervous. Maybe because I have never experienced something like this. I have never laid in the arms of someone other than my mom and this is completely different than my mom, of course. I have never had someone who pulled me closer just because they like the feeling of my body pressed against theirs.

'Better now?' he asks.

'Yeah.'

'Good night, El.'

'Good night, Eric.'

-

I wake up in a tangle of limbs. I guess I fell asleep quickly yesterday night. Eric is still asleep and i move a little bit backwards to look at him. His mouth is slightly open. He wakes up and looks at me.

'Good morning,' I say. He has a small smile on his face, which makes me light up.

'Good morning,' he says. Eric pushes himself up and gets out of bed. He quickly disappears into the bathroom.  I stay in bed and bury my face into his pillow. I breath in his air. The smell of his deodorant is strong. He puts on way too much, but I don't really mind.

Today is the first day of the leadership program and it confuses me how I am not nervous, but I think that it will come. I hear the shower turn on. 

Just when I am planning to put on my clothes and head to my own apartment to take a shower, Eric comes out of the shower with just a towel around his waist. I almost gasp and immediately loath myself. He has me right where he wants. Right in the palm of his hands. He could make me do anything.

'Where are you going?' He asks. Water is dripping down his neck from his hair and he wipes it away with the back of his hand.

'I thought I should use my shower. I don't want to smell bad on my first day of the leadership program.'

'You can shower here,' he says with his eyebrows raised.

'Ok,' I squeak.