I'll Be Good

34

Luckely no one is seen on camera again. Today we'll start to prepare for the meet up with the leaders. It is weird to prepare for something when the other group, the leaders, doesn't even know about it. The dauntless divergents have to steal weapons.

I'm walking downstairs with Four and three other people called Jorge, Liz and Frank. We almost tip toe. It is late at night so everything is dark. I'm holding onto Jorge's arm and Liz holds mine. We are like a little train, so no one loses anyone in the dark. Four is up front. In the afternoon he stole the key when he saw on one of the screens in the control room that no one was guarding the keys. He unlocks the door. There is a little bit of light inside, so we can see all the weapons. My mouth drops. That is a lot.

Each of of us have a big bag witch we can fill and hopefully we'll have enough. I start to fill my bag with guns and bullets for the guns. Four and the others do the same. Liz also takes some knifes. We do it quick to get the hell out here as fast as we can. We sneak upstairs.

Bob and Jess wait for us upstairs with bags filled with clothes. Everyone has to bring clothes from their faction, so we can mix up the colours that we wear. We leave dauntless as fast as we can. I feel bad for Eric. I had to lie again. I told him that I wouldn't be sleeping at his, because I wanted to work on my relationship with George, so George and I had a sleepover. I imagine Eric alone in bed. My stomach makes a weird flip, when my brain pictures him with someone else.

Focus Ellis, I tell myself.

We get outside and rum towards the traintracks. There we meet the others from dauntless that belong with us. We get on the train.

-

The weapons are laid out on the ground. My heart is pounding.

'It is late,' Matthew says to me. I nod. 'Me and some others have been making beds out of sheets that the people from amity brought. You can pick a room.'

'Where do you sleep?' I ask out of curiosity.

'Right around the corner. I share a room with Four and Tris. You'd like to join us?'

'Uhh... sure,' I say. I might as well share a room with people I know well enough. The others I know too, but I still don't know if I can trust them. Matthew leads me to the room. The walls are the same as in the main room, just brick. Someone spray painted something on it, but I can't make out what it is supposed to be. On the ground are pillows and blankets. Tris is already curled up in the corner wearing a big shirt and shorts the stop right above the knee. She seems fast asleep. I take my sweater off, but I still have a tanktop on. It is hot in here. I leave my black sweatpants on and sit down. Matthew takes his shirt off and I try not to stare at his bare torso. He is more fit than I thought he would be. He sits down next to me. I stare at the wall opposite me and I feel him staring at me.

'What?' I whisper, trying not to wake Tris.

'Nothing,' he says. He gets under the blankets. I move a little so I won't be lying directly next to him and get under the blankets too.

'It is going to OK,' Matthew whispers then. He reaches out and takes my hand. He squeezes it softly and then lets go to turn around and his back is turned to me. I stare at the ceiling. I miss Eric. I miss him so fucking much.

-

I wake up from the light. It is quiet. Everyone is still asleep. I turn around and notice that Matthew is gone. I get up and walk through the building to find him. I walk past rooms where everyone seems fast asleep on the ground. I find Matthew in a room with old broken toilets. I hear his pee hit the material.

'These are broken, right?' I say. He turns his head. The peeing sound stops. He smiles at me.

'Yeah, but it feels weird to pee anywhere else,' he says. He turns around while putting everything back in his pants, which gives me a full look ag his junk. I turn around as quickly as I can.

'Dude, watch out,' I say.

'I'm sorry,' he says.

'It also smells really bad in here,' I say. He suddenly stands next to me.

'Of course it does. Every one does their thing in here, but the toilets are broken. That means bad smells.
Lets get breakfast.'

Together we walk to the main room. We are still the only ones up. He gets two protein bars from a big bag.

'I guess this will be breakfast,' he says.

'I don't mind,' I say and take one from him. I rip the wrapping open and take a bite while we sit down.

'Can I ask you something?' He sayd then.

'Sure,' I say without looking at him.

'How did you end up with Eric? He doesn't seem your type.'

I look up at him. This wasn't something I was expected to hear.

'Why don't you think he is my type. You don't know what my type is.'

'I know. I know. It is just that you are so nice and stuff and he isn't really. Also you are divergent and he is against that and all.'

'Eric is sweet,' I say. 'He is to me at least. He wasn't always nice to me, but he believed in me. He pushed me to do things. He also saved my life more than once, so I guess that helps.'

'He saved your life?'

'Yeah, but I don't want to get into that right now.'

'OK, but beside saving your life and all... there are more guys out there who believe in you, who will support you or push you.'

'I know, but that is not the point,' I say, not really knowing where this is going.

'But what is the point?' He asks. His eyes penetrate mine.

'I don't know. There isn't a specific reason. He liked me. He gave me attention and I liked his attention more than anyone elses.'

'And now?'

'What do you mean?'

'Has that changed?'

'I don't think so.'

He nods and looks away. Others enter the room and get a protein bar. The room slowly fills with people. Matthew gets up and leaves. When he comes back he is fully clothed in erudite clothes. He leaves everyone with a couple other erudites. He is on his way to project his own face on the erudite building to invite the dauntless leaders. My heart is racing.

-

A woman from amity helps me make an outfit of different factions. I choose dauntless and amity, because I think that that is who I am. Others do the same thing and others choose to just put every colour together.

I got a bright yellow sweatshirt and black dungarees. The woman picks out maroon sneakers. I feel great. I have never wore red and yellow and I'm loving it.

'Guys look!' Someone screams. Everyone runs towards the big hole in the wall. We can see the erudite building from here. Matthews face is projected onto it. He is talking, but I can't hear what he is saying, because everyone around me is cheering. My heart is beating fast. Too fast. I feel like I might pass out, so I walk away from everyone and sit down.

-

Everything seems a mess. We are all getting a weapon. I have a gun in my hands and extra bullets in my pockets. There is a knife tied to my calf. The erudites who did everything this morning have run back. Everyone is running through the building getting ready. Matthew has grabbed my hand. He want me to stand in the front with him and the others who took the lead in this project. I think he wants me to stand there, because he wants Eric to see me. I don't want him to see me, but I don't have a choice.

We are outside. Everyone is outside. Our weapons are hidden somewhere on our bodies. We don't want to provoke violence. I'm panicking on the inside, all because of Eric. Of course it is about him. Everything is always about him. Always.