Skyrim One-Shots

Ulfric x Reader ~The Night The Shell Broke (2)~

Otherwise titled: ~The Plans in Motion~

You shook your head at the war commander, arms crossed and jaw clenched. 

"No," you barked. "There's utterly no way we march on the Embassy out of the blue. It's not going to work- they have leaks everywhere, for the love of the above!"

Galmar huffed. "It's better than anything else we've come up with. To win the moot undoubtedly with Ulfric refusing to get a wife as he is now, we need to capture the Embassy. There's no other way."

You groan. "Seriously, Stone-Fist? Give him a break, you sound like Jorleif."

"Says the one fucking 'em."

"You know damn well those rumors aren't true," you hiss, "bear-headed bastard."

He scoffed, "Oh, really?" he drawled dramatically, "I heard the night shifts-"

"-heard moaning?" you cut off, beyond furious. "Uh-huh. I was vomiting. Obviously, I didn't enjoy it."

The general snorted, "Fish again?"

"Yep," you muttered, "I didn't know it was in the sides."

He barked out a deep, rasping laugh. "____, you have so many stomach problems for a woman of war."

You ignored the comment. "Shut up you old coot. I've got things to do."

"Like fuck the-"

"Would you stop!" you yell, fists clenched while a barely stifled grin rested on his face, "Honestly! The nerve of you sometimes!"

He made a shooing gesture, and you flicked him off as you walked out the war room and into the main hall, scowling. A guard let out a choked snicker.

You barely held the restraint to keep your hands at your side, only sending a sharp glare at the soldier as the door slammed behind you. He didn't meet the intense, fury-filled gaze.

Fluently mumbling curses about Galmar as you trudged across the hall, a figure dawned in familiar clothing caught your attention, and with one look, you took in a sharp inhale.

Oh, that look.

Oh, gods.

You knew that look.

Ulfric approached with a swagger to his stride that sent so many alarms running through your head, and sure enough, the telltale right brow quirk and tiny lifting of the left side of his mouth was all right there. He was up to something.

You stiffened, starting to shake your head with narrowed eyes. You point to the war room. "Absolutely not. You're walking your ass over that away, you understand?"

He didn't respond, continuing to walk closer.

"Ulfric," you warned, "Ulfric, no. We're- no. You stay away. No, no, you go away. Begone. Oh, gods what are you doing..."

Your last statement was a mere whimper, if not a whine of complaint.

Finally, he stopped directly in front of you, just waiting, watching, to see your reaction.

You knew how this game went. You'd both be standing there, him completely silent while you fumed, attempting to guess whatever 'genius' idea he'd come up with.

Once, it had taken you an hour to get it. A literal hour. 

And all he had to say was this corny, terrible, vile play on words.

You let out a guttural groan from your throat, shaking your head rapidly.

"Ulfric, we are not doing this."