Skyrim One-Shots

Ulfric x Reader(Female) ~The Secrets We Kept(4)~

"Dad!" came the loud yell, no doubt from Torman. Ulfric hid his face in his hands, his head leaning back to his the back of the throne. Not again. "Dad, Hoag fucking did it!"

The boy burst out of the war room, heaving for breath, his mother and Hoag right behind him. Hoag was positively furious.

"You little shitface! I was in my room, how in the name of the nine could I have broken a-"

"Oh, I see, so you put the blame on me! You were in the hallway! You-"

You slipped between the shouting boys and jogged to him, lips pursed in a way that always meant you were up to something. While the two spouted off at each other, you leaned against the arm of the throne, shaking your head.

"A vase broke. I broke it. Torman is blaming Hoag, and Hoag is blaming Torman."

Ulfric wheezed. "For breaking the vase you broke?"

"Yup," you snickered, grinning. "They haven't figured it out yet that neither of them could have possibly done it, and I was the only one in the hall at that time. Torman was in the study and Hoag was still passed out from last night's tavern hit."

Ulfric gave a look to Galmar at his right, who stiffened considerably. "I would drill him if he did it again."

The words were pointed and sharp, and it was obvious they both knew that Galmar was letting Hoag go out and get plastered.

"I want a daughter. Not a missing frame," you grumbled. "Either Hoag marries the whore he gets pregnant or he marries her. Have I made that clear enough, Ulfric? I think I have."

"You have," he agreed.

Abruptly, Hoag let out a loud, frustrated yell. "If it wasn't me, and it wasn't you, then it was mom!"

"Why would she-"

"It was me," you chuckled before Torman got any more hissy. "I almost tripped and I knocked it over."

"You really are clumsy," Ulfric noted quietly.

"I didn't hear that," you warned.

"Hear what?" he questioned. Galmar snorted, shaking his head at the commentary.

"God dammit, I told you I didn't do it!" Hoag huffed.

"Well, I didn't do it, either," the other twin muttered.

"It's settled. Stop fighting on it, both of you. It's the most meaningless thing I think I could think an argument would be on. Like your mother and sweet rolls," Ulfric rolled his eyes.

The utter glower he received from you was enough to still the entire room.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm just saying, you could lessen your attachment to-"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Oh, daddy-o, you've messed up," Torman murmured, "messed up real bad."

"I have nothing against your sweet rolls, but eating twenty of them in an hour doesn't seem... healthy," Ulfric stated carefully.

"Are you saying I'm fat?" you yelped.

"I'm saying sweet rolls aren't a meal, and you probably shouldn't eat as many as you do," Ulfric blurted. "Not that you're gaining weight, because you're not, but-"

"Oh, fuck you!"

You stormed off, the twins parting harshly to let you through the doorway.

"____," he barked. "You are not running off."

"Go shove a stick up your ass!"

"____!"

Torman and Hoag were forcing back laughter, covering their mouths.

"You said I'm fat!" came your broken yell. "Why should I talk to you?"

"Oh, she's upset. Dad, you made mom cry," Torman gave Ulfric a sharp look.

"I didn't- I- Talos above, she eats nothing! I have a right to be concerned!" Ulfric growled.

"I eat enough!" you yelled.

"Tell that to your stomach, will you? I can hear it from across the throne hall, I swear!" he responded, shaking his head.

"Go choke on that throne of yours, will you?!"

"____, would you not-"

"She went upstairs," Hoag informed.

"She's real mad," Torman snickered. "That wasn't the smartest move."

Ulfric let out a muttering growl, sitting up form the throne and made haste to get past his sons, which followed him with vigor.

"And this is what happens when she doesn't say anything," Hoag commented. They reached the master bedroom of the palace, where the now king and queen slept, and Ulfric tried to twist the door open, but it was locked.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Ulfric muttered before raising his voice, "____, I'm not breaking down my own door! Come on."

"No!" came your muffled yelp.

"____."

"No."

"____."

"I'm not doing it," you huffed.

"____," he repeated.

Finally, the door unlocked, but instead of a fuming wife, Ulfric was greeted with a pie directly smashed to his face.

The loud, cackling laughter of his sons and you echoed the hall, along with the guards who were trying so hard not to react. The pie slapped to the floor, leaving Ulfric with a face covered in the berry filling as he closed his eyes and let out a long breath.

Torman let out a scream between his laughter, leaning against a wall and completely breaking half of the guards who joined him in the laughter. Hoag could barely breathe, and you head tilted your head back, a rich laugh coming from your chest.

Despite his current situation, Ulfric couldn't help but crack a smile.

Oh, you three were going to get it, you scheming little shites.

He was the one who played war here.

And you had just started one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OOOOOO

DADDY BE ANGRY

:000000

lol

part 5?

requests?

Dani out,

Adieu!