Divergent : Tris Pedrad

Chapter 50

I snapped my eyes open, the light above my bed hitting my eyes. I groaned and tried sitting up. Something caught my wrists and I couldn't move. I turned my head to look down at my wrists. They were bound with some sort of restraints. The were soft against my skin but they kept my wrists pinned to the bed. I yanked at them, panic setting in. I pulled, trying to slip my small wrists from theq by bindings. "Hey- ri, I'm here. It's okay," I heard Ezis voice say.

"Get these off- Ezi please," I pleaded, yanking at my wrists harshly.

"Tris, I can't do that. You need to stay here. You caused some damage with all your fighting so they decided it'd be best to keep you restrained. Just so you don't try running off again," Ezi said.

"I need to go Ezi I can't fucking stay here," I cried.

"Why? Why do you need to get out of here so urgently?" He asked, sitting on my bed beside me.

"I-I just..... what if he comes here?" I asked, my voice cracking.

"You know I would never let that son of a bitch touch you," he sneered.

"Just- please get these off," I pleaded, struggling more intensely.

"You're okay ri....." he said gently placing his hand on my shoulder.

His eyes were glazed with a look I didn't recognize. Glossy with something almost like pain. Like heart wrenching awful pain. I turned my head, punching my eyes closed when my mind started to drift. "I'm sorry zeke," I muttered, shaking my head.

He immediately shot his glance towards me, his eyes set on my own. "Ri-, don't you even dare start apologizing to me," his voice was sharp with frustration.

"Ezi...... I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry you have to know what happened. I'm sorry I let it happen. I'm sorry I fucked up so bad. You were the last person I wanted to find out because I knew I would just make everything in our lives worse. I - I'm...... disgusting. I don't even know who I am anymore ezi. I feel empty. Im destroyed."

"Tris, you didn't do a single fucking thing wrong. Stop, please," he pleaded.

"I-..... I feel like everything has been taken from me ezi. Like my world is crumbling and I can't do anything to stop it."

"Tris you have me and Uriah and four and all your friends. You're life isn't crumbling. You are so strong and powerful. You are the most determined person I've ever met. You can't let this break you ri. I know you're strong," ezi told me with watery eyes.

"Are you kidding zeke? I'm probably the weakest person alive. I can't stop fucking falling apart. People just tear me down every fucking day and I'm just so tired ezi. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep pretending like I have a reason to live."

"Ri- please. You have me and uri. You have so many people. You can't let what this guy did break you. You're stronger then that," he said, tears dripping down his cheeks.

I paused, glancing at my wrists, which were red from pulling.  I felt anger and pain rise in my chest. My voice was quiet, deadly. I heard the door click open and Uris voice exploded through the room. "Heyyy-" his voice cut short when he felt the tension in the room.

"Do you.... do you know what he did to me zeke? Do you know how much it hurts to have someone force themself inside you? To have someone pin your arms down and bite into your flesh with their teeth. To have someone mangle your body?" I questioned him, hot tears blurring my vision.

"Ri, that's not what I-"

"He fucking took everything from me! My fucking dignity! You don't know what it feels like to have someone do that to you zeke. To have someone rip off your clothes and pin you down as you scream for help. I...." my voice broke, tears overcoming me.

The room fell silent and I saw Uriah's face. He wore an expression of shock and horror. He was frozen in spot, his eyes darting between zeke and I. Zeke has tears in his eyes. He looked...... almost broken. His eyebrows were creased with pain. The realization of my loss of self control hit me and guilt flooded through my body and my cheeks heated up. I felt tears fill my eyes as I felt a thought pass my mind. I just engraved that horrible thought in his mind. I'm so fucking careless. I just made my brother imagine his baby sister getting raped. I'm so pathetic. All I do is ruin things. Sharp pain hit my heart as I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.
He looked heartbroken. "Ezi.... I didn't mean-.... I didn't mean to say those...... those things," I said, my voice breaking.

His eyes grazed mine, they were slick with salty tears. Uriah's mouth still hung open. A bag of food clutched in hand. Zeke just turned his head. "I-I'm sorry. I- I'm so sorry. I'm sorry," I sobbed.

I could feel the beginning of a breakdown. "Zeke- I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry," I sobbed, pulling slightly at my wrists.

"It's okay ri. You're okay. I know," his voice purred as he came to my side.

"I fucked up zeke. I fucked up," I sobbed.

"Hey...- hey shhhhh," he grabbed my face in his hands.

I jumped at his touch but then relaxed. "It's okay ri. It's okay. You're alright," he said in his gentle loving voice.

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

He pulled the binding off my wrists before wrapping me in one of his fatherly hugs. I hesitated but gently melted into his kind touch. "You're okay ri. I'm here. I won't ever leave," he cooed, kissing my forehead gently.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, exhaustion running through my body.

"Shhhhhhhh, just rest," he said as he held me in his stone arms.

I felt safe. Like I couldn't be hurt by anyone. My eyes began to shut and comfortable silence fell on my body. I slipped into unconsciousness.