Dear Reaper | Jimin fanfiction [Completed]

18 - Fear of love

The silence was killing me.

The river was mirroring the pale blue hues of the sky above, glimmering by the sharp sunlight, as calm as the wind, gently streaming by.

It was serene, but deafeningly quiet.

Not just any quiet... The one that crawls up your body like goosebumps, building unnecessary tension in the air.

Fidgeting and looking around, I tried to come up with a conversation that could at least mitigate the heavy atmosphere between us, but with no luck. He might had already read my mind, the thousands of unfinished thoughts.

"Catching feelings..."

My heart jumped when he suddenly uttered words. I turned to look at him lost in his own thought, his eyes fixed at the still water.

"It's scary..."

His unexpected confession made me somewhat confused for the fact that he told me reapers didn't have any feelings, but also sorrowful that he admitted he was afraid of such a simple thing.

"I once loved a certain woman, apparently," he blurted out and my eyes widened.

"I don't remember her, though. There isn't even a single trace of her in my mind. I only realized when one day, I checked the notebook that I keep with myself at all times. It was full of entries about her... How she welcomed me into the underworld, how she trained me to be a good reaper, helped me when I had troubles... We used to spend so much time together but sadly, I forgot about all of that. It seemed no one else remembered her, either."

With a painful smile, he leaned back, propping himself with his arms and looking up at the sky.

"I soon realized that she was punished by the higher ups for what she did and was executed, her soul erased from existence," he said with a strained voice. "Instead of doing her job, she meddled with humans' lives way too much which we must never do... Only once would have been forgiven, but she did it way too many times. She was just too kind hearted for a soul reaper. And she paid the price for crossing the line."

He took a deep breath to calm himself before speaking again in a slightly lower tone.

"I regretted not stopping her. I kept asking myself why I let her do such things. Maybe I thought that those things would have made her happy. Maybe I loved her too much that I couldn't bear seeing her cry after not being able to save someone who was dying right before her eyes..."

"I lost her. Even though I can't remember her..." He placed his hand against his chest. "My heart does and it still cries after her every single day."

I didn't know what to say.

I never imagined that he experienced something like that.

But... Reapers having feelings and then becoming erased from this world just because they treasure life and wanted to save humans, becoming victims of their own emotions...

It was incomprehensible.

Jimin faced me before caressing my face, his eyes softer than ever as he gazed at me.

"I don't want to lose you, Lyn," he whispered, his voice trembling. "Falling in love is scary. For someone like me, a reaper with feelings, who must not have any feelings, it is terrifying... I honestly don't know what I should do."

I placed my own hand against his, wanting to comfort him.

"She was a reaper, but I'm a human, Jimin. You don't have to worry about those higher ups and you having to meddle with my life. I'm a strong person." I smiled. "If you think my soul is weak, then you have another thing coming."

"But you and I aren't supposed to be together. You said it yourself... It was a mistake that brought us together."

My heart stung at that. I shouldn't have said that. If I could, I would take back my words and tell him that I was just afraid. I never meant what I said.

He retracted his hand and faced down as he whispered, "Maybe it's for the best if I leave you in peace."

W-What?

"If you want, I can never appear in front of you again. If that's what assures your safety..."

I gulped. My chest started contracting in pain.

"If you walk away from me now... I don't know how I can live..."

He looked up at me with wide eyes.

"No one can fill the void you will be leaving. I've been looking for you for my entire life. It felt as if you were the reason I was living... I tried to move on, but you would still appear in my mind. When I finally found you, I finally felt like living. Life made sense again..."

I looked away when tears started prickling my eyes.

"Lyn... You don't need me."

I looked back at him and stared right into his eyes, feeling anxious.

"And what if I do? I think I'm in love with you and that scares me to death... I'm not afraid of being with you. I'm afraid of being without you. I just..."

I just want you to stay with me...

His hand reached for my face but he suddenly turned around to look back and exclaimed, "Yoongi?"

I followed his eyes and looked at the empty space. "Where?"

Jimin whipped his head back towards me, his eyes bulging out in shock.

"You can't see him?"

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A/N:

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