I'd learnt to never trust anyone that wasn't my dad when my mum left, I was only 11 at the time, I watched from my door as my dad pulled up to the house, I clutched a letter she had handed me before leaving with her bags, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead and sending me a teary smile. The minute my dad walked through the doors, hockey bag in hand and a flushed look on his face from the cold, a warm smile playing across his lips because he was home, he looked up at me in the doorway, tears in my eyes, clutching the letter in my hands.
"Hey Lil, what's wrong? Where's mum?" My dad asked, running upstairs and crouching in front of me, I held the letter in my hands and began to read.
"Dear Jus, I've wrote this note to apologise, to apologise for just leaving like I did." I said and paused, looking at my dads face which had dropped as he stared at me while I read. "I know this probably will come as a shock, I just hope that over time you start to realise why I left, why I couldn't stay around. Just because I left, doesn't mean I don't love you and Lilly, I'll always love you both." I stopped, choking on my tears. Dad took the letter from my hands and placed it to the side, pulling me into a tight hug, as his own tears fell onto my t shirt.
After reading the rest of the letter, he smiled at me sadly and made us both dinner like normal, we had pizza and watched friends on the sofa until the early hours of the morning. He kept me off school for a few days and took some days off training. Over those few days we did a lot, I think my dad was just trying to get my mind off of the situation.
When I finally went back to school, my dad hit a brick wall, he was lacking at games and practice, he was drinking more at night. Until one day, everything changed. The Maple leafs were set to play the Flyers, a game my dad had trained hard for. I was at a friends house while my dad was at the game, I was set to stay over and watch the game. I was just 14, dad had been getting better.
"Do you think they'll win?" My friend asked and I looked to her mum who smiled. I looked down at my dads Maple leafs jersey, smiling as I looked back to my friend.
"Yeah I do." I said with a smile and my friend just smiled excitedly as the game started. For the first period, the Maple leafs played easily, one score already in the bag. On the second period they seemed to play better, the Flyers taking a goal but the Maple leafs winning it back in the third period, by then it happened.
It all happened in slow motion, it was like the world paused for a few seconds. One minute my dad was skating perfectly fine, the puck at the end of his stick. Then the next thing we all knew, he had been body slammed against the window. He fell to the floor and the game stopped, he was screaming, holding his leg. One of The Flyers players skidded to a halt and called over the the medics.
I was put into the back of my friends mum car, she drove to me to the hospital where I proceeded to run towards the emergency room where a bunch of people stood in anticipation including my Uncle Dillon.
"Is he alright?" I asked quickly and my Uncle Dillon sent me a sad smile and pulled me into a hug.
"Doesn't look promising, Lilly." He said quietly and I just nodded, letting the tears slip from my eyes.
For someone, it looked overdramatic, crying over my dads broken knee. But no one understood how painful it was, knowing my dad could possibly never skate again, never play another game of hockey. Which is exactly what happened. My dads knee was completely shattered, I remember when the doctors told him after he came out of the painkillers, his face dropped and I watched the colour drain from his face as he realised the reality of the situation.
After my dad retired from hockey, he spiralled again, alcohol became a big part of his life and for a while I brought myself up. A lot of my nights were spent on the sofa with my dad, while he drank away his life and cried to me about how terrible his life was. I was 15 verging on 16 at the time, I should've been crying to him, but it was the other way around.
He finally decided to get help for his alcohol addiction after I told him I was scared he was going to die, I cried to him and screamed at him to stop, to get help and he did. He reached out to friends and family for help, went to AA meetings, got back into business and back into the hockey scene. Becoming a big name within the community again, turning into a spokesperson for addiction after a sorts injury, he did a lot of talks and shows about his struggles and I was proud of him, but I kept myself out of the lime light, making sure I didn't have anything to do with that so I could live a normal life.
That was until I met Auston Matthews late night at the ice rink, I was getting some stuff I had left behind, when I saw him on the ice, skating around with his headphones in. We talked for hours that night, getting to know each other, I eventually told him about my dad and he was supportive. From that day on we were close friends, he spent a lot of time at my house and when there was games I'd sneak along and support him. It was good having a friend who was there.
