CLXXXVII

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Clasping my hands together

white knuckled

folding in on myself

willing the tears to stay and not stain my paling face


My smile is fake

painful to muster and

sharply spearing at my heart


But when i laugh

my grief for those who've fallen

my yearning for their return

my past in slowly fading memories yet unforgettable

open the gate to all my emotions

and break the walls of ice to an avalanche


The breakdown

of panic and terror will a release

crying eases the ache;

and when the warmth from my eyes

fill to the very edge

tears slip down

to kiss my face


I imagine in the same way

you would do

if you were here.


-if you were


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