HETALIA CRACK

FINALLY RUSSIA X READER

   Okay you hear that frekin alarm blaring again.Fabulous."sgmeurr!?" You fall out of bed trying repeatedly to smack the snooze button.You hear thumping footsteps come up the stairs and the door is thrown open by non other thank your big bruder Alfred.

"Y/N ARE YOU OKAY DUDE?!" The american screams with his trademark loudness, glasses askew and hair a mess.

Wow I must've made a bigger sound than I realized, you thought as you struggled to get out of the tangle of bedsheets you were trapped in."Yeh, Alfie Im fine bruh" You slur sleepily.

"Kay, jusy makin sure france hadn't snuck in and kidnapped you or something" He came over and yanked the comforter, causing you to bounce and make another thump "Thanks Al" You reply rubbing your head.

"Just my heroic duties ma'am!" He declares, oblivious to the sarcasm.You smirk and get up, then needlessly noting that your in a tank top and those tight-but-suprisingly-comfy-yoga type shorts.With anyone else you would've been embarrassed, but Alfie is like a bro to you, so it doesnt really bother much.

"Ay Alfie, whats the weather like out there?" You ask, because its been hotter than Hell lately and you were waiting for some coolness to break through.

He gives you a derp look and shrugs, indicating that it hasn't changed.You both walk to Le kitchen to eat some breakfast, yours consisting of (Fav breakfast) and his a..you guessed it!McDonald's sausage biscuit.

"So, Y/N I have to go to Russia's house to discuss crap with Latvia today; wanna come?" He questioned, finishing off his biscuit and drinking some coffee.

You thought about it, and seeing as you didnt have anything to do, accepted "Yeah, man sure, why not? Russia's not that scary"

Fred gaped "You are a psycho, ya know dat?" But his smirk showed through.

"Well, he isn't, Fred-man" You roll your eyes, using his derpy nickname you made up when you were little.You lookes down at your outfit and just give a It's-too-hot ouside-to-care look.Your probably gonna get a few weird looks today, because you were usually the baggy tshirt type; but screw that being lazy is da bomb.

"O-Chay! Let's gooo!" Merica cheered, running out and getting into your (F/C) car.He always used your car when going to other countries houses, because last year he got a window smashed out.Such nice.

-------------Timeskip brought to you by China's pet panda-aru~-----

You and America pulled up to Russia's mansion, and you had to admit, you liked the architecture.You had never been here before, so You were excited to explore the vastness of it all.

"Looks coolio"You mused as you walked up to the door.And the worst possible person opened the door-France.

"Oh, honhonhon vat a surprise seeing jou here mademoiselle" He said while checking you out, not even bothering to hide it.

You figured you'd mess up his game, because hey, you were just boss like that.

You stepped up to where your nose was touching his and fake-checked him out."Oui and a surprise seeing jou here asvell" You mimicked his accent in a purr.

He looked freaking flustered and you had to make one more move, before you could rush past him and snicker your way down the long corridor.You licked your lips and breifly touched his jawline, you were having a hard time keeping it together...It was just so funneh!!!! "I hope I see you later..." and you skipped down the corridor and took a random turn.

But then you heard running footsteps behind you...crap...perhaps there is a reason why people dont mess with france.You sprinted forward and took 2 or 3 more random turns until you yanked open a door, ran in, and leaned against the door panting and out of breath.

After a couple of seconds, it registered that you were not alone.In a connecting room, you saw light spill into the room as a figure stepped out of the door.And once your eyes got rid of the sudden blindness, you realized it was Russia!

But wait, you squinted, he was only in a ....towel!? Oh god, you didnt think he was scary, but being in his room with him in only a towel might raise a few questions.

"Y/N!?!?" He semi screamed, but you tackled him to the ground and covered his mouth.France might still be around, after all."Yes, its me: Now be quiet! France is being mega-pervs and is chasing me!" You whispered.Then you got off him and asked nonchalantly "Do you by any chance have a shot-gun?"

"Of course I do." He stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world "Please, Not that I'm not enjoying this, but I do need to get dressed" You blushed and got off him.

He disappeared into what you presumed to be a bathroom and came out secinds later in his usual attire; Trench coat, pinkish scarf and pipe.

Wow dudes got skillz!!! You thought as he came out almost instantly with his clothes on, his pipe in hand AND his hair spiked up.If only I could get ready that, fast you thought.

He took your hand and -reluctantly- you allowed yourself to be led out.Russia escorted you into the twisting and turning labyrinth of halls, and soon spotted France opening and closing doors.

"Excuse me (Y/N)" he smiled warmly and walked past you "VE, FRENCHIE THIS VILL TEACH YOU TO HARASS MY (Y/N)!!!" He charged at the paralized blonde and you almost felt sorry for the frenchy...almost.

"ZIS VILL HURT SO MUCH YOUR GRAND KIDS VILL FEEL IT" He continued to yell furiously at France.

Since they both dissappeared, you just decided to find America, and after walking for what seemed like forever (and occasionally hearing the odd french curse) you reached him."Dude, where have you been?" The Blonde asked, putting some papers into a briefcase.

Before you could answer, a Russian accented voice cut in "I vas just shoving her ze library" you looked back and noticed a cowering France, with a black eye,bloody nose and you could've sworn his hair looked like someone mercilessly scissored it.

You looked at Russia with a questioning look, then he came up to you and said quietly "If he does it again, I vont be nice" and then "No one vill mess vith my (Y/N)"

You smiled and hugged the big ol' Russian,"Danke"

"My pleasure"

Not very fluffy,but me gusta the subtlety, Dont worry they will probs get better!:3 This one SUCKED