Dear Carson

Wonderful

9/17/14

Yesterday was perfect.

Everything was perfect.

I can't even describe the feeling of how perfect and safe I felt.

But before I go into details about things, I want to say how much he has changed. He has really matured. Literally. He's getting so much older, and wiser, and more, idk, like someone to act at the age of 16? He's not a childish kid. He can be a goofball, but he's changing.  today, I saw how much older he was and how much more experienced he was getting. He's so much more gentler with me, and kind and soft and sweet and just absolutely melting my heart away! He's honestly, so perfect and gives me so many reasons to love him. I'm glad that I never moved on.

It was also You actually made this strange feeling appear in my heart. I'm not sure what it is. Every time I got near you, I was actually nervous. This emotion was within me. I felt so close to you. So perfect and so complete. I rolled over at some point and you reached your arms over me and it was honestly something I had wanted for a long time. I knows it's silly, but someone, you, had actually wrapped your arms around me and held me. It felt so perfect. So safe. Something so needed. It sent a whole new feeling. It was so comfy and so... So..

I don't know. It sounds silly to be all worked up over that.. But honestly.. I am. I loved everything about yesterday.

Wonderfully.

I honestly didn't want to leave.

It was something I would always want.

And only with my perfect Carson.

Okay it is now 8:53.

So, today was cray and still not over. I went to Mimi's after school and loved all over my Carson. I also sang this amazing song with Trevor and I love it! Anyways. After he left Carson and I went upstairs. I just honestly wanted to be close to him. we literally laid down and cuddled for like 20minutes in different ways. I was in absolute Heaven. It was perfect. We discussed what it would be like to sleep and how we would lay and it was an absolute paradise. I wish I could have him fall asleep with me every night . Only then would I be safe and feel protected from the nightmares. I just loved it so much! Just something about someone wrapping there arms around me is comforting. I kept scooting to get closer and closer to him. Mimi soon called and said we had to go to Carson's dad and that I could go, which I did. We went to the basement and I acted cray like usual. He really had to pee so he went upstairs.... And never came down until an hour later. -.- literally. He first was peeing, then his mommy came and he got out of bathroom, and what I assume, forgot about me being down there!!! They talked on and on! It got so late and dark! I kept texting him and texting him and he never replied or even read them! I texted Trevor in my worry and he tried to explain to me of how to open the basement glass door.. Which I could never do. His last text was "just call him and see if he will answer." So I did.. After a fourth call the basement light turned on and I heard the door open, but no one came down. Still they talked. I closed the door back and ran and sat in a corner with my knees tucked. He came down saying "Tori, I promise I didn't forget about you." He saw the door open and stopped and looked around and saw me then said "Awh baeee! Are you crying? It's okay!! I'm sorries." I was kind of upset that he left me and forgot. But he was so darn cute and caring right then that I couldnt act pissy with him. So I willing got up and was "cute and quiet." He layed on the couch and I turned off big light and forced myself between him and his phone and laid on him tummy and cuddled. He kept playing on his phone so I kept moving positions and getting up occasionally. He kept asking why I was so sad. Which, I wasn't. I just wanted him to cuddle me for the remainder of the time. At some point I forced myself in the opening between his phone and hands and his arms and face. He laughed his cute little adorable laugh and then I wiggled my head and kept brushing my hair in his face.

"Hey you are so presh!" He laughed.

I turned off his phone and slid it across the room and made him wrap his arms around me and forced him to cuddle. It made me feel special. I kept trying to hold him differently and tighter.

"What are you doing silly?"

He Asked.

"I'm trying to get closer.." I mumbled.

"Can you even breath down there Bae?"

I nodded my head.

"Is that a nod for yes or no? I can't tell you goofball."

I leaned up and kissed him.

"You're so precious." He kept saying.

So he says he plans to make it up for leaving me by letting me sneak over. So I guess I will see how that goes later on tonight. Don't worry, I'll write.. After I finish my health project that I haven't even worked on that's due tomorrow for 150points. No.Pressure. None.At.All.

9/18/14 science class..

So I finished health, but never went to Carson's like he said we would... He ended up updating his phone which took all night long, therefore he couldn't text me. So whatever. He's also texting me about this girl that is "hella rad" and also a ginger like him in his class. They are apparently talking about you tubers and that's just so amazing to him.. Then after he said that, he sent a text assuring me, by saying, "but you are still my girlfriend." Wtf does that mean? Hell yeah I'm YOUR girlfriends!!! I hope to be for a long time, since I've GIVEN you literally everything that I can so far besides a BABY! Just ugh. I g2g. I'll write more later.