12/9/14:
Oh Carsy..
Only you can give me a freight like no other... 😌 Ugh.
I'm just always thinking of you. Always fearful and scared that you will say something hurtful again like that time before. Always terrified of loosing you.. Or, at least what I have left.
You're so silly..
You asked me what I was doing and I did my whole go into more detail than usual just to make a point that I was listening to different Christmas music.
And you said
She's listening to Christmas music
And I of course panicked, trying to figure out who else you would be talking to. And it turns out it was just a silly joke where you ask a person something than say what that person was doing as if you were speaking to another person about them.
Ugh. I should have laughed about it, but instead of freaked out.
I wish I wasn't so fragile now.. So easy to hurt. So sensitive. I thought I was before, but it's nothing like now.
I now have a ton of new things..
-depression
-anxiety
-panic attacks
-Acrophobia
-Agoraphobia
- Athazagoraphobia
-Autophobia
-genophobia
-pessimism
So I'm kind of slightly different than I was before.. I'm a whole lot weaker. I'm not as strong. Defiantly fragile.. I can't take as much as before. I freak out over little things..and I'm always jumpy and scared.
I'm sorry Carson. I'm sorry for the way I am now. And I'm sorry for changing so many things in your life and mine.. I hope you forgive me. I hope you know how sorry I am.. And what you told me on whisper, I hope that was the truth. I hoe that's how you feel..
I hope you love me.. Maybe just a little...
And I hope, that maybe one day you will want to be together again.. Maybe even forever.. 😌
YOU ARE READING
Dear Carson
NouvellesDear Carson, do you ever think about me? Do you ever miss me? When you hear our song, does it make your heart ache? Or does it remind you of us? Or do you still not care? You hurt me. You really did. You still do. I don't thinks you realize the pain...
