Dear Carson

Speak Up

Dear Carson,

10/25/14:

I wish you would speak up and tell me how you really feel. I'm forced to move on because I think you no longer want me in your life or even have feelings for me, since you said "I'll never love you back." Then why send me songs to listen to that have to do with things that we once were ? Are you trying to mask your feelings and just let me hear those words and see them to try and tell me something ? I don't want games, I want reality.

I wish you would just talk to me and let me know your true feelings on everything. You know mine. You know exactly how I feel because I tell you, I showed you, and I wrote them down for you to let you know that you are a loved human being even if you don't want me to be the one to love or care for you.

I wish you would write like I do. I wish I could know.

I'm honestly just so tired of thinking "wait... Does he have feelings for me? He showed me this song!" Or "no, he doesn't. He doesn't text you and he didn't try fighting for you. And he even pretty much said he hates you."

I go back and fourth.

You'll wait like a week before texting me and just act like it's normal and okay. It's not.

If you want me in your life you have to tell me other wise I won't know. I can make it happen. I can pop back in. I can go to your parents and apologize and try to tell them sorry. We could sneak out like we use to. There are other options. Even for being just friends. It's called fighting for something. It's not that hard when you have motivation and a reason.

You completely shut me out but occasionally you make an effort to talk to me and try and bring back feelings. My heart can't handle much anymore.

Just be real with me. Speak words. Let me know before it's completely too late to even try.

Tell me, what you feel inside. Even if it hurts. I'll get over it eventually.