Dear Carson

Missing Things. One mistake.

Dear Carson,

It's been 21 days..3 weeks. Almost a whole month..I haven't spoken to him in person...Not much at all. I haven't seen him. Our two months would have been the 15th.. Wednesday... Would have been... But now, it's not.

Sadly. I messed this up. Not just for him or me, but for everyone.

I miss seeing him. I honestly do. It's so hard to not see him. It's not fair.

It honestly hurts. When I'm walking around the neighborhood alone, it's so hard to not look up. To not look over, to see the people I grew so fond of. I already know what they would be doing. Mimi would be working in the yard, and pops would be coming home. Nanny would be sitting out on the porch, and maybe they'd get a visitor or two. I can't really say what Carson would be doing because I'm not sure of his punishment. But, if he wasn't being punished, he would be on the internet watching YouTube, or on hmg. He would be snacking on foods, or maybe even drawing or writing. He would be relaxing from his day of school. Until his mom or nana, or dad came to get him. I know what they all would be doing. I miss seeing them all. I miss feeling and being happy. I miss a lot of things.

Sometimes when we drop Bethany off for school, I'll see him.. Walking the sidewalk. Or getting out of his dads truck, or even the bus. I'll see him tagged in photos every now and then.. He looks like a stranger now. And different. I'll hear how he's doing or I'll see him when I walk. As long as he is okay... As long as he is not hurt or harmed or sad or mad or upset and just happy.....

Unlike me...

I loved him. I really did.

And now I'm not allowed to love him ever again..over one, little, mistake.