Rule #29

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by Tonks_legacy

by Tonks_legacy

Trust Issues.

I just think it's funny how you can lose people as soon as you think you've gained their friendship.

Today was a progressively shit day. A lot happened that I did not see coming.

I got three hours of sleep.

I'm sick.

I worked for ten hours today.

And,

the person who I thought was a good friend ended up faking the friendship for half the whole time because they apparently hate me, and I have no fucking idea what I did wrong. Can you relate?

Like... I know you hate me but what did I do to make you hate me?

Two and a half years.

I trusted you with secrets bigger than I should have, and I let you into my life because I thought we were friends.

I thought. I was foolish. So, I have a few things to say. A few things that I have been wanting to say, but unlike you, I know how to keep comments to myself.

I regret ever taking you anywhere in my car and wasting gas to pick you up and bring you places. It angers me that you tease me about my parking skills when I have been driving for longer than you. Ita ger me that I had to live under your rules in the dorm in order for you to be happy. And it especially angers me that you chose to say things behind my back, and verbally humiliate me without my knowledge.

I hate how you pushed me away and didn't care about what I had to say as if my opinion didn't have a voice. I could never do the same to you, you'd flip shit. I'd be excited to show you a cute picture of my dog or something funny, thinking it would make you smile, and you would push me away saying things like "i literally do not care".

Yeah, it hurts.

Or like this past week when I came into the dorm all excited about selling shirts and maing a profit with my embroidering, only for you to say, "who is going to buy them?"

Don't think I forget these things. Maybe a part of me just wishes you wouldn't doubt me so much.

Do you know how much it hurts when you go around talking about how incredibly fat you are at 140 pounds and then try on a size small shirt and have it fit perfectly? You know I'm 190, so if you're fat, what does that make me? A behemoth?

I'm sorry for you. I am sorry that you feel the need to validate yourself.

And for your information, I can afford Chinese food. In fact, unlike you, I do not need Daddy's credit card to survive.

I also know how to live with other people.

Did you know, that because you chose to stuff my towel into the rack those two times, it permanently smells like mold? I washed it. Nothing worked.

Did you know that I sat in front of the bathroom door and did homework while you were taking a depression nap in the dark so that I wouldn't wake you?

I regret buying you birds. And grape juice. And McDonalds. And that wonder woman poster. And I regret sharing my fridge with you.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for your standards.

But, at least I didn't do drugs or bring home boys or steal your things or eat your food or bully you. I didn't make you wake up every day and feel guilty about living.

I hope that the next roommate you get is perfect. And that they help you with your poetry assignments and that they bring you food and drive you places for free. I hope that they take you on crazy trips to Hershey Park and send you memes and buy you all the birds and that they don't snore or have any hobbies that don't mesh with yours and that they don't have to rush in and out of your apartment/living space like me.

Because you're right, I suck.

So we didn't mesh correctly and we are complete opposites, that's okay. It was fun. I will always consider you a friend.

Maybe you won't hate me as much in the future. I would pity you if you did.

Because.

We might not be roommates, but unlike me, you'll wake up and I will still be there, every day.

To deliver your news.