Life as a Basic White Girl

Rule #40

its funny because

when i look at him, i see the world. And i freeze up, and i stop breathing for a few seconds... he makes me smile and he makes me feel a little less lonely in the world. We're a team.. and we bounce off each other, and i can so clearly see him in my future. It's kind of wild. I was attracted to his kindness.. humor.. personality.. 

he came to say hello to me at work today. and he told me about how he was going to ask this girl to the dance. She has nice short brown hair, and she's really sweet. I can see how he would like her. but, he also just found out that she has a boyfriend. So now he's in his dorm, eating his feelings. 

I think it just really hurts because i was so sure this time. I was so sure that someone finally might like me back, and i guess i was wrong (as usual). Meanwhile the other guy that i told you about? Yeah, him? He tried to send me pics, and like.. thats cool and all but i didnt want to be your side piece, i wanted to be your girlfriend. 

Im pretty convinced that i must have forgotten to forward some facebook chain mail back in like 2012 or something because i think im cursed. or jinxed, who knows. or maybe the magical forces of the world are just saving me for someone really special. Someone who i actually like too. i like to think that sometimes. 

My dad thinks im going to die alone, i hope hes not right. I think being alone is my greatest fear.. adding on to that, is it bad that i want to be loved? Maybe its the fact that i cant keep my mouth shut about my emotions that turns people away haha. oh. and pic guy left me on read, twice. 

Well enough about me. Are yall okay? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you drinking water?