Life as a Basic White Girl

Rule #35

ROCKS.

so i think i have hit what they call *rock bottom*. It started what I think would have been just before last thanksgiving (the bad luck) and has come all the way to here. What could be my lowest point. In between this time, two people in my family passed away, I was lied to by friends, insulted under the table, gained weight, rejected by boys i liked, never found an internship in my field, did not go on vacation, have worked 40 hour weeks, my car broke down twice, I got in three car crashes, was diagnosed with ocd and have been struggling with my self esteem and quality as a person. I could name more, but I don't want to sound needy, because that's not nice. It has been hard to try and covince myself that i have a quality to life, i just keep thinking, why me? What did I do to deserve all this? I kind of feel like i am a failure and that im going in all the wrong directions. Will my dreams ever come true? They feel so far away. i guess i just really really wish i could catch a break. My friends used to ask me how i could be so happy and positive all the time (because i am generally an extremely perky person and super talkative)... which to some extent i feel like i annoy people with my chattiness. That makes me sad.

I am trying to not focus on the negative, it is just really hard not to at this moment in time. So many things are happening all at once. It is kind of like I am just trying to pick up the pieces of a broke mirror, except everytime I gather all the pieces, I drop them again and they shatter into more pieces. After all this, when I do look in the mirror, I know I won't be the same person I was before. 

Life stings. I think I just really need some sort of miracle, or at least something good to happen or look forward to. That would be a blessing.. just a little bit of hope would make all the difference.

I dont know. 

Thoughts? Suggestions?

Comment down below.