UNCERTAINTY

5

Deanna's

"Bakit may dala kang chicken wings?" Ponggay asked me.

Today marks our 4th game against Adamson. Where on a winning streak after we lost in our first game.

Kasabay namin mag laro ang UST against La Salle so iniisip ko baka manood siya.

"Last game yan din baon niya kaso di niya naman kinain." Ate Bei said

I want to give her something. Feeling ko kasi hindi siya nakakain nung last time na magkita kami.

Last game bumili din ako ng chicken wings nagexpect kasi ako na baka manood siya ng game ko kaso hindi I didn't see her.

Sino ba naman kasi ako para panoorin niya, she watched games because of her sister not me.

Kaya naman iniisip ko na baka manood siya kasi 2nd game ang UST e.

As we warm up tumitingin ako sa crowd hoping to see her.

I don't know pero it calms me down whenever I thought that someone out there genuinely cheering for me.

Kahit na iniimagine ko lang na sinusuportahan niya ako it makes me happy.

Minsan ka nalang kasi makakakita ng tao na magchecheer sayo without judging how you play. Yung tao na susuportahan ka maganda o pangit man laro mo.

Marami kasi ngayon na mga fans they criticize and say something bad to you
depending how you perform in recent game, as for me they always see something wrong with me kahit na manalo pa kami sa game.

Minsan iniisip ko.

Ganon ba talaga ako kasamang player?

Kamuhi muhi ba ako?

Did I do something wrong to everyone to deserve all the hate?

I often doubted myself na baka hindi talaga ako deserving to play.

Hindi nila naiisip how hard it is to absorb all the hate they been throwing.

How destructive it is to our confidence.

Buti nalang may mga kunting tao na sinusuportahan ako.

Na may mga kunti na nakikita yung effort ko.

They somehow keep me from moving forward kahit na majority ng mga tao hates me.

"Tulala ka Deanna, focus on the game!" Ate mads said

"Kahit naman gano ako kaganda o kapangit  maglaro they will bash me." I whispered but Ate Mads heard it.

"Remember this play for yourself to pay for your hardwork, play for the team for the sacrifice they do in training, play for the bashers to prove them wrong and play for your supporters for always backing up to you." She said

Truly Ate Mads is one of the few people that knows to cheer me up.

Tumango ako.

"Sino ba hinahanap mo sa crowd?" She asked

"Ha? Wala."

"Meron kang hinahanap. I know, and I will find out for now focus on the game."

Kinabahan ako. "Yes captain."

Game started and we manage to win it in straight sets pero sobrang nahirapan kami kasi sobrang galing kasi nila magrecieve.

It was a good game pero alam ko hindi ko naibigay best ko.

Kasi at the back of my mind I'm thinking of her.

She's slowly invading my mind.

Hindi to tama kailangan ko na magfocus sa sarili ko.