UNCERTAINTY

7

Deanna's

"Alam mo you been staring at Jema for 30minutes now kung hindi  kita kilala iisipin ko na may gusto ka sakanya." Tiningnan ko si Ate Bei

"Pano mo naman nasabi?" I ask I continue staring at her.

She's been with us for three days now.

At sa araw araw ko siyang nakikita the feelings I've been holding up is slowly slipping away.

Wala naman siyang ginagawa ni hindi niya  nga ako pinapansin if hindi naman kailangan pero here mere presence is affecting me emotionally.

She's so sweet,the way she laughed is contagious , sobrang bait niya kaya agad niyang nakasundo ang mga kateammates ko.

No wonder why everybody loves a Jema Galanza she's a natural charmer.

"Pano ko nasabi na hindi ka magkakagusto sakanya?" Ate bei asked

"Well one word she's famous. And you don't want to dwell with some famous names. Di ba sabi mo ayaw mo sa mga sikat kasi magulo ang buhay nila."

Tama si Ate Bei, ayaw ko sa mga tao nakilala, Ang toxic na nga ng buhay ko magdadagdag pa ako. Yung ako pa nga lang andami ng bash and hatred na nakukuha imagine if I will be with someone famous? There supporters will bash me, those who hate me will bash her and our relationship will be the most toxic relationship ever.

Magkakasakitan lang kami not because we don't love each other but because of the people around us.

Naiimagine ko pa lang parang ayaw ko na.

I don't have a guts like everyone na kaya nila iabsorb ang mga makikitid na tao na nakikisali sa relationship nila.

Imagine yung jowa mo na pinapartner sa iba. Mga walang respeto.

Yung everytime magdedate kayo may mag stolen shots sainyo or worst ivivideo kayo. Mga walang alam sa privacy.

Yung may ipopost ko lang magiging issue na sakanila.

And worst.

Yung itatag ka or imemention kayo sa mga ex or kahit sinong tao that might cause misunderstanding  on the both of you.

If you will be in a relationship with a famous or known person you will be in a relationship with so many people too and I don't like that.

But staring at Jema.

Makes me think twice.

Pano kung siya? Kaya ko ba?

I didn't answer Ate Bei.

I continue staring at Jema who's busy teaching the rookies on FD.

"What if may gusto pala ako sakanya Ate Bei?" I said

Napatayo si Ate Bei.

"What the fuck Deans! What? How? Why?"

"What if nga lang." I repeat.

"Well it will be hard, una hindi naman  kayo close, masyadong malaki ang  mundo niya unlike satin. Then there's the 3rd person in the both of you na papakisamahan niyo."

3rd person are those bashers, supporters, and everyone who will have a say on  you and your partner.

Tumango ako.

Pero nagsalita ulit siya.

"Pero it's up to you parin, you need to be firm with your decision. Dapat  kung gusto mo handa ka sa lahat at handa ka sa papasukin mo because the "what ifs" will hunt you if your uncertain of what you really feel."