New Beginning || JJK

Chapter 40 ,,To my dear self"

To my dear self,

Hey, it's me... Do you remember me? it's been a while since i last wrote... A lot happened like fights with Jungkook, my best friend Hope moved away with the love of her life to complete her dreams, HaEun almost lost herself, but before that could happen Taehyung caught her and held her tighter than ever... Jungkook and the boys are overseas for work.. I'm alone at home. Their new album ,,Map of the soul: Persona" was published a week ago.. Since then the boys been in America because of important concerts like "coachella" and TV shows like "SNL". i'm proud of them, but a sentence kept repeating itself in my head... Before Jungkook left, we had a huge fight and he didn't even say goodbye.. The last thing he said before the shut close the door was ,,Sometimes I question myself ,,why on earth did i marry you". it's alway the same Y/N." That's stuck in my head since that evening. It hurts... it really does... But it's okay, right? we're used to getting hurt... My dear self, i just want you to know, that you've been strong for so long... You've been strong for way too long.. years have passed amd the agony of my heart get's worse each day... I thought he was my remedy... I think he still is... but he isn't here... i don't want him to leave me... ,,there's no one there to save me from the nightmare that i call myself" Sometimes i ask myself how it feels to be ,,okay" . i need to go now... Thank you for holding on so long...
You've been so strong my dear... Thank you... <3

-Y/N 17.04.2019.

I put away my notebook and listenes to some music.... I heard the front door open as I hoped it would be ,,Him" but it was HaEun ,,Y/n..." she called. i closed my eyes shot and felt the tears stream down my face.. ,,Unnie what are you doin-" she stood infront of me and saw what a mess i was... hot tears streaming down my cheeks, eyes red and puffy, my hair in a messy bun, i wore sweatpants and Jungkook's hoodie. ,,hug?" she asked as she opened her arms in a ,,huging gesture" i didn't hesitate to run into her embrace. Since she's a bit smaller it was weird to lean on her shoulder. She stroked my hair and told me to calm down. I told her everything and she was shocked. ,,He didn't mean to... he called me and told me to check on you" i wiped away my tears and looked at her. ,,H-He did?" she nodded but i couldn't believe her...His words were stuck in my head.... ,,Why did he say it than?" i started crying again but when she tried to hug me, i avoided it. ,,Thank you.. but i need some time alone... I'll call you later..." she stood up and looked at me with hurtful eyes. ,,Y/N, I'm your sister... please let me stay with you.. I don't want you to be alone before-" i interrupted her ,,Before i do it again right? before I lose control again?" she avoided my eyes and i could tell she was crying by now. ,,I just want you to be fi-" and again I had the guts to interrupt her. ,,I am. I always am. I'm used to it. please leave now." she wiped away her falling tear and turned around, ready to leave.. ,,please call me when something is up" i nodded and she closed the door...The sound of the door shutting close made my tears fall again..

,,Dear self... please hold on a little longer"

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The ones that you love the most are usually the ones who hurt you the most.

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Heyyy my lovely readers❤,
I hope you're doing fine.
I'm sorry that I couldn't upload. I'm a bit stressed because of school and my mental health but since I'm on spring break I can focus more on writing. I have some things to do for school like reading a book and repeating things for biology BUT I have 1 ½ weeks to go, so that can wait. My goal is to update almost everyday and because i'm at home the whole day, I'm about to upload another chapter for ,,Forbidden Love" and i uploaded one for ,,Uhgood" already.

I purple you.💜💜
-Author-nim