Grocery Lists and Scattered Scars(destiel)

[25]

this edit took me 45 minutes to make help me

A/n at the end

~~

[Castiel]

Is this what death feels like?

Is this how it feels when your heart stops completely and when you forget how to breathe?

The simple act of inhaling air became hard as his chest constricted itself, a loud sob ripping through it as the monitor let out

one, two, three short beeps and then... flatline.

beep

beep

beep

beeeeeep

And that was it.

The pressure holding his hand was gone, his green eyes stopped blinking, his toned chest ended its constant rise and fall, the mask over his nose and mouth lost it's foggy color from his breath.

And Castiel wasn't much better. He was still alive though. Barely.

He could feel his soulmate bond being ripped from his body.

The soul that intertwined with his own wasn't taking it's time to undo the knots, no, it was pulling itself out quickly. Retreating its armies as fast as it could, no matter what pain was caused, no matter how many lives were lost along the way.

Castiel could feel his heart breaking.

He already felt empty. He couldn't even find it in himself to scream. He didn't know what to do.

Castiel found himself squeezing his hand, even though it could no longer squeeze back.

Castiel found himself placing his head on his chest, finding no comfort in it as the soothing rise and fall was gone.

Castiel found himself quickly retracting his hand, standing up, and flipping his chair over.

Castiel found himself screaming once, the word doctor ringing loud and clear through the entire hospital floor.

Castiel found himself falling to his knees, not even caring about the pain that shot through them because all he felt was nothing.

Castiel found himself being wrapped in a large hug by Gabriel and he could faintly hear Sam's screams and sobs for his big brother.

Castiel found himself shoving Gabriel away, and taking off.

Castiel found himself pushing through the hospital corridor doors, running out of the hall, skipping over the elevator and straight to the stairs.

Castiel found himself being too exhausted and numb to go any farther and sitting in the stairwell between the third and fourth floors.

Castiel found himself with a broken hand after punching the floor as many times as he could before he finally lost a bit of numbness and felt some pain.

Castiel found himself crying loudly.

Castiel found himself scared of what happens next. He wasn't ready for what was to come.

Castiel found himself lost.

Lost without Dean.

They hadn't even been together for long but that little while had been the best time of Castiel's life.

Castiel found himself feeling selfish.

Here he was, crying in a stairwell after his boyfriend flatlined, leaving said boyfriend's little brother a mess and all alone.