Assurgent Construction

Grasping Reality

It's easier to take out on myself, all this energy that screams for me to let it out.

Two in the morning, the clock ticks in a mock.

My wrist crave blood lust, and I know that I have stopped.

But an addiction doesn't go away. Not entirely.

All a person can do is learn how to put the cravings at bay.

The easy way out is to give up and give in.

Alas, the last time I felt this way, a friend made the jump.

I woke up, feeling shattered, and I called My Foundation, shaken.

When I told her that it could have been both of us she said,

"How does that make you feel?"

The nerves within me quivered and I tried to steady my hands.

It could have been both us. It should have been me.

Then she replied, "But it wasn't."

Now that I've come back to this state, I know that I need to revisit.

At first, I thought, maybe I could last, but I know my own limits.

I am too close to the edge, it's so easy to give in.

To lose my breath is easier to me mentally then to see it play out as I ascend.

I am aware of the difference in this world that I make.

But it doesn't prevent the thoughts from mustering into my wake.

Unbalanced, Pure. I am both.

How?

As I grip to the only reality in front of me, I hold my breath and try not to make a sound.

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4.10.19