Assurgent Construction

An Entangled Dream

The dream entangled me again,

Part of you was real the other was the 'you' I imagined you'd be.

This wasn't like the previous dream.

The dream was no 'vision'.

When it comes to visions, they're a sense of you that is there but this was not 'you'.

At the beginning you had your arms around me, we were snuggling each other.

Then reality checked me and I panicked.

Where was I? Where was My Sun?

When the imposter looked at me longingly in confusion, I felt her pain but it was the dream.

Our eyes met and she didn't understand my panic.

Then the dream dispersed, I was with My Sun then the dream changed to a scene with you. This time, we were in the same place at the same time.

Our eyes never met though.

Once I awoke, I didn't know what hurt more.

The fantasy looking at me as if it had a physically heart infused with concern.

Or our eyes not meeting, as if it was normal to be around me but you only classified me as a friend. (Which shouldn't hurt but it did)

Once I cleared my head, I stopped to think.

Love is built and attraction is not.

In dreams, we are alive, and in that sense we have built.

I know you've had these dreams that I do. The perspective is different, of course.

Love, however, needs a sense of truth.

For that, I ask myself, am I falling in love with you?

Or am I falling in love with the idea of you?

Am I falling for the sense of 'us' that these dreams tell me we're meant to be?

For these are you. But they are not the you that I have experienced.

Do you feel as conflicted as I am?

Is that why you don't take me off your social media?

If you didn't want me in your life you would have made the effort to take me out of it.

Do you feel as intrigued in me as I am with you?

To the one I've always wanted,

I would never leave the woman I love for you.

I would never leave her because of a 'chance'.

To what degree are we?

Are we only meant to be in these silly dreams intertwined with ideas and insecurities?

In the time of our living are we only meant to cross paths every other year?

Or is it a sign that we are meant for more than a dance in our dreams?

Are we going to face each other one day?

Will I be consumed by idea of the love my dreams have created?

They are poisonous and taint my reality.

What will happen when the day comes and I've finally broken?

Will I be the man that you need or will I be in a trace that marks my surreal reality?

-

May 5, 2019

To the one I've always wanted,

I wake up missing you. But is it 'you'?