Overcome [n.m]

Twenty-Five

Dear Kassidy,

It been a rough few months since you left. I regret everything.

I know I treated you horribly and for that I am sorry. I have become an animal; I was an asshole to you and to my family. I pushed everyone away in my life that actually gave a shit about me.

You have so much ahead of you, while I have nothing. I know you gave me your all and I broke the trust that we had with each other from the beginning of our friendship. Two years together and I flushed it down the toilet for some 'friends' and alcohol.

I hate that you left me, but I know that it is for the best.

I need to get my shit together and honestly that is what I am going to do. I know you don't have feelings for me, and you probably think that I don't love you anymore, but I do love you. I will always fucking love you Kass.

You were my first love. I will never be able to forget you.

I wish I could take everything back. God, I was such an asshole to you. I took you for granted.

I have been looking at old pictures of us on my laptop recently and I cried while looking at them. You know I never cry. I know the second year of our relationship wasn't the best for you, but I still love you. I miss you so much. I always loved putting a smile on your face and the fact that I stopped makes me hate myself. The way I spoke to you and treated you makes me hate myself even more. No one deserves to be treated like that especially someone as great as you. I know now that you were only trying to help me become a better person.

I used to think that it was you that was the selfish one, but I have come to the realization that it was me who was selfish all along. You grew up way faster than me and I didn't know how to handle that, and I am sorry. I know I can be better.

I'm not writing this in an attempt to get back together with you, I know that is impossible, I just want you to know that even though you think you didn't help me, you have helped me so much.

I am on the track to becoming a better person and it is all because of you.

I never really had the confidence or felt smart in school, but you made me feel that way when we were together and now that you are out of my life there is no one to encourage me to do better.

I hate it.

I hate myself Kass.

I used to think that everyone's opinion about me mattered but I realize now that they don't, nothing matters but bettering myself. I look up to you so much. I pray that I can be half the person that you are. You were so easy to forgive me after all of the bad things that I have done to you from cheating to hitting you and I can't say enough how sorry I am.

I will say it the rest of my life to you.

I love you Kass, even though I know we will never be together again, I just want to let you know that you will find someone who treats you right, the opposite of how I have treated you, and he will love and cherish you in ways that I couldn't. At that moment in time, I won't be sad I'll be so happy for you.

God brought me a blessing in you, and I should've known that. You've got such a good life ahead of you, don't screw it up like I did, please don't give up Kass. 

-Thomas

I held the note close to my heart while my tears slid down my face and dripped onto the paper. It was partially crumpled up, probably from him second guessing himself and throwing it away a few times. I wondered to myself why he never sent it to me.

There is one thing this letter reminded me of, and that was the old Thomas. The Thomas that I fell in love with. I will never get to see him or talk to him again. I laid back on his bed and re read all of his words. They echoed in my brain. If he was trying to change and become a better person, why was he still drinking and driving?

After twenty or so minutes I had to leave Thomas's room to go to the bathroom across the hall. After I was finished, I slipped the note back into the envelope and put it in the side of my legging's waistband. I didn't have any pockets so this would have to do for now. I started walking again and ran into Trevor.

"Hey kass, I didn't think that you were coming?" he blurted out backing up. I rolled my eyes at him.

Trevor was Thomas's best friend, and he hated me. I could say the same for him too. There were so many times he butted into our arguments, taking Thomas's side.

"Look Kass, I am sorry okay." I tried to push past him, but he grabbed my arm.

"Let go Trevor I don't want to hear your bullshit right now; I promise you I am not in the mood," I jerked away. Did he not see my tear stained cheeks? My blood shot eyes?

"Wait."

I turned around giving him one more second of my time. I scanned his face; it was filled with sorrow and regret. There was also a big gash above his eyebrow.

"What happened to your head?" I asked him annoyed.

"I was in the wreck with Thomas," he explained.

My temper started to fume. I was curious to know if you could see steam arise from my ears. "I want nothing to do with you." I said angrily. Trevor was just as stupid as Thomas for letting him drive drunk.

"Wait, let me explain. Thomas wasn't drunk," he spilled.

I scanned his face for lies but couldn't pinpoint any. I took his arm and rushed him back into Thomas's room and slammed the door.

"Then what happened?" I demanded. I shoved him onto the bed, and he took a deep breath.

"Me and the boys were at this chicks party. Thomas didn't even want to go in the first place, but I begged him to. I wanted to hook up with the girl bad and I needed a driver. I don't know, he slowly stopped drinking after you left him. He had been trying to get a decent job and all, when you left it really got to him. I now he treated you like shit and I know I did too and for that I am sorry." I rolled my eyes at him but waved my hand to signal him to continue. "After we got finished, you know, we went to her kitchen and she made everyone drinks. I made Thomas a shot to celebrate that I had successfully banged the chick and I made him take it."

He looked at me with pure regret and continued his story, "We left after that and he drove me home. I told him to take the interstate," he paused.

"What happened?" I yelled.

I was supposed to protect him, the fact that I was gone meant that Trevor was supposed to.

"Everything went fine until we got off of the interstate. This stupid semi-truck swerved into our lane, we both saw the headlights and he tried to swerve." Trevor began to break down.

"Finish the story Dammit!" I yelled back at him.

The familiarity of the story haunted me, just like my dreams. How could this be?

He looked up at me, tears streaming down his face.

"He wasn't even drunk. You made everyone believe he was drunk," I scowled at him.

My nose was stuffed up, I hadn't even noticed I had started to cry again too.

"Kass, I am so sorry," he begged for my sympathy.

"You disgust me."

Tears welled up in my eyes with every word I spat out at him. I swung open Thomas's bedroom door, ran out of the room and down the hall straight into Thomas's Dad. He gave me a welcoming hug.

"Kass, it's so good to see you."

I buried my face into his shirt and cried. Today was too much. Trevor lied to everyone. I was shocked and a little scared at the same time, the way he had described it, it was just like my dreams.

Quite a turn of events! What's on your mind?

Thanks for reading guys!

The story is far from over. Enjoy!

-Tay 🌿