I Love You, My Friend - Song Mingi

#1

I hadn't really felt happiness for almost a year. I barely felt anything but sadness. And when I wasn't sad, I was angry. but I had my reasons. Nothing had been the same since my brother died. It was like a piece of my heart was missing. I used to love life. I had a great family who I loved, and they loved me. But when my brother died from brain injuries, everything changed. My mother couldn't take the loss of her son.
And my father couldn't take her anymore.
So he sent her to a mental hospital. I hadn't seen or talked to her for months.
When my father did that, my feeling towards him disappeared. I knew I had to get out of there. If he found out how sad I was, he might have sent me away too. So I moved to my cousins apartment. He knew about my depression and sleep issues. But instead of saying that I needed professional help, he told me that only I could make the pain go away. I had to deal with my brothers death, and not by being locked up and medicated. I agreed with him. Considering my mother had been locked up for a long time, and not gotten any better. At least I didn't think she was. If she had gotten better, wouldn't my father have let her come home?
- what are you thinking about?
My cousin asked me. We had just left his apartment and gotten into his car. He was forcing me to come with him to work every day. I guess he didn't trust me to be alone.
I understand if he doesn't.
A few weeks ago I cut my wrist. Just once. Kyung walked in on me doing it, and freaked out. But it wasn't like I was going to hurt myself again.
- I'm thinking about cats.
I answered, as he started the car and drove out of the parking garage.
- I'm not buying you a cat.
My cousin, Kyung, said. Then he laughed and patted my head.
- don't touch my hair.
I said.
- it's not like I'll mess it up. Have you even brushed your hair this week?
He asked me.
I had actually not brushed my hair in a few days. What was the point anyways? It wasn't like it would make people more comfortable approaching me. They usually just stayed away because I never smiled.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally careless about the way I look. I was considered attractive enough in Korea. But the whole beautiful but angry thing wasn't very appealing.
- don't you think it's time to let me stay home alone?
I asked Kyung.
- It's the alone part thats bothering me.
He said.
- the alone part is the whole part.
I said.
- what?
He asked me.
- nothing.
I answered.
- we can compromise.
Kyung said.
- no thanks.
I said, making him laugh. Why is he laughing? I'm serious.
- just hear me out ok?
He said, as we pulled up to the parking lot outside the KQ entertainment building.
- Fine!
I yelled.
I wasn't mad at him. But he knew that. He knew why I really was angry.
- If you make one friend. Just one, I won't make you come with me to work anymore.
He said.
I should totally take the deal. But how was I supposed to get a friend? Maybe I could pay someone to pretend to be my friend..
- I'll take the deal.
I said.
- great!
Kyung said, and turned of the car engine.
We got out of the car, and walked towards the building.
- You're not going to make me stay in your studio all day right?
I asked him.
- of course not.
He said.
He usually never let me explore the rest of the building. But if I was supposed to find a friend, or someone that could fake being my friend, I had to actually meet people.

We entered the building and went to his studio.  I took of my jacket, and was about to leave to go look for a.. friend. But then I realized I should at least brush my hair. I didn't have one in my purse. I didn't even know where my hairbrush was. The last time I saw it, it was under my bed but then it disappeared.
- can I borrow your hairbrush?
I asked Kyung.
- no.
He answered.
- come on.
I said.
- fine, just wash it after.
He said, and found his hairbrush in his bag.
He handed me the hairbrush, and I opened the camera on my phone, looking at myself. I looked so tired. But then again, I had insomnia. I was lucky if I could get 4 hours of sleep at night. I decided to put some make up on. Then I finally brushed my hair. It kind of hurt because of all the tangles.
- are you ok?
Kyung asked and laughed.
- does it look like I'm ok?
I said.

After finishing brushing my hair, I left Kyung's studio. I wandered around the hallway, looking through windows. Most of the rooms where offices. But i already knew that there wasn't a lot of Idols and trainees here. This company had only debuted one boy group. But I didn't know too much about them. I didn't listen to music. It overstimulated my brain making it even harder to sleep. It was kind of sad.
I miss music so much.

I finally found a group of women standing by a water dispenser. I walked over to them, and tried to smile.
- Can any of you be my friend? I'll pay you.
I said.
This is.. sort of funny.
The ladies just looked at me like they were shocked. Then they walked away.
I started laughing.
Wait, I'm laughing? This is a weird feeling.
But I wanted it to last. So I started looking for more people. But I couldn't find anyone. I decided to search another floor. I found an elevator, and pressed the button. Why does this always take so long? Does this elevator run on snails? Hah. Snails.

Finally the elevator opened, and I tried to jump inside of it. But instead I fell backwards.
Did I hit the wall?
I looked up, and realized I hadn't hit the wall at all. I had jumped straight into a tall boy. Actually three tall boys.
- are any of you interested in being my friend?
I asked them, still laying on the floor.