I Love You, My Friend - Song Mingi

#13

The next morning, I woke up wanting to scream. Not because of the fact that my head hurt, but because I immediately remembered everything I said and did yesterday.
What was I supposed to do now? I had definitely made a fool of myself.
I was interrupted from my thoughts by Hongjoong texting me. I didn't know if I should answer or not. Because I didn't need him anymore. I didn't need any of them anymore. I had already won the deal, because of Chanhee. But kyung had really tricked me. By having me make a friend, I stopped wanting to be alone. I guess that was his intention all along. I wouldn't exactly say my plan had worked, because I couldn't get all the Ateez members to be my friend.
And for some reason, I still wanted it. I wanted my original plan to succeed.
Would it be bad if I started on it again?

I'm gonna try this again. Second times the charm. Or was it the third time?

Hongjoong: since we helped you home last night, I think you should stop ignoring us.
Sungyeon: I wasn't ignoring you.
Hongjoong: you always run away when you see us.
Sungyeon: I was just mad at myself for the way I treated Mingi.
Hongjoong: what are you talking about?

Mingi hadn't told him? Maybe he hadn't told anyone. But that was probably for the best.

Sungyeon: Nothing! it's nothing.
Hongjoong: you should come meet us today.
Hongjoong: Mingi would be so happy.

The thought of Mingi being happy to see me, made me feel.. something. I didn't know if it was a positive or negative feeling. Because if he still had feelings for me, I didn't know if I would be a good idea to see them again. I know I saw them yesterday, but that was by accident.

Oh god.. I totally told him his hair smelled good, didn't I?

- what time is it?
I almost screamed when I noticed that Chanhee was laying in bed beside me. I had totally forgotten that she was here.
- My head hurts so bad I can't even move.
She said.
- well, you should probably get over that because you're supposed to be at work soon.
I said.
- Oh shit.
She said.
- don't swear.
I said.
- you swear all the time.
She said, making me laugh.
She did have a point after all.
- yeah but I'm young and you're like.. 30.
I said, making her hit me with her pillow.
- I'm 29.
She said, and frowned.

- You know that thing I told you about?
I asked her.
- about... your brother?
She asked me.
- No.. the other thing.
I said.
I had told her about my brother, and I had also told her about my crazy plan to fake being Ateez's friend.
She didn't take that very well. But then again she was a much better person than me. But after explaining why I did it, and how it made me feel, she decided to not judge me.
- what about it?
She asked me.
- I want to finish it.
I said.
- I thought you already ended it?
She said.
- it's not that. I want to... see it through.
I said.
- are you crazy?
She asked me.
- I'm not crazy. It's just something I have to do.
I said.
- But why do you have to?
She asked me.
- because I need it for some reason.
I answered.
- you need fake friendships?
She asked me, and raised her eyebrows.
- No. This time I'll make it real.
I said.
- In that case.. I'll support you.
She said, and hugged me.

The most important part, was that i wanted to make my feelings for Mingi, real. As friends.. of course. I think.

I texted Hongjoong and told him I would come meet them, and then hurried to get ready. Chanhee had to be at work in half an hour, so we ran to the bus. When we got to the KQ building, Chanhee had to go straight away. I decided to walk around the building for a while, to think about how I was going to do this. I know I had decided to make my friendships real, and not some act. But I had no idea if I should still pretend to be someone I'm not, or act like myself.
Maybe I should be myself for once.
Would they even like the real me?

- there you are!
It was Hongjoong. I was supposed to go their practice room, but I guess they had a break?
When Hongjoong came closer, he suddenly started laughing.
- Are you laughing at me?
I asked him.
- sort of.
He said, and grinned.
- you acted pretty cute yesterday.
He said.
- I don't want to talk about that.
I said.
It was too embarrassing.
- But it's too funny to not to talk about it.
He said.
- I'm not afraid to hit you.
I told him.
- I would like to see you try.
He said, and laughed.
- Fine.
I said, and moved closer to him.
- but you'll have to catch me first.
He said, and started running away.
Game on.
I ran after him all the way to their practice room, and then I had to stop, to catch my breath.
- Do you give up?
He asked me.
- For now.
I said, making him laugh.
- let's go inside.
Hongjoong said, and opened the door to their practice room.
I suddenly got really nervous for some reason.
Maybe the rest of the group was upset with me because I ignored them.
- are you coming?
Hongjoong asked me.
- just give me a few minutes.
I said.

Hongjoong entered the practice room, leaving me standing outside alone.
Why am I so nervous? If things went wrong I could always leave.
The door suddenly opened, and Mingi and San came out.
- We thought you had ran away again.
San said.
- I'm sorry, I just felt a little lightheaded.
I said, and laughed awkwardly.
- Maybe you're getting sick again.
Mingi said.
Then he looked me in the eyes, making me want to look away, but I couldn't.
- San, could you let us talk for a moment.
Mingi said.
- Fine, but I'm drinking the rest of your sprite.
San said, and grinned.
- No you're not.
Mingi said.
- too late.
San said, and went back inside, making me laugh.

Mingi and I started walking around the hallway, and I kept waiting for him to say something. But he just kept opening his mouth like he was going to say something, but he didn't.
- You can never do that again.
I said.
- do what?
He asked.
- you know what I'm talking about. You can't say stuff like that to me again.
I said.
- But why? Is it because you don't like me.. the way I like you?
He asked.
- To be honest I don't know.
I said.
- Does that mean... You might like me?
He asked.
I really didn't know what I was feeling. I just couldn't figure it out. Because I didn't know what it felt like.. to have feelings for someone.
- I told you I don't know.
I said.
- Maybe you should figure that out.
He said.
- and then what, you'll wait for me?
I asked him, and laughed.
- I'll wait forever.