I Love You, My Friend - Song Mingi

#11

I didn't think Mingi would message me tonight. I felt like I might have been to rude towards him earlier.
I didn't like the thought of someone being mad at me. Not that I thought he was. He didn't seem like the person to get upset over someone avoiding his questions.

Mingi: can I call you?
Mingi: if you don't say yes I'll assume you hate me now :)

I definitely didn't expect that he wanted to call me. But I guess it couldn't hurt.
I also couldn't stop laughing at how weird he always was when he texted me. I quickly responded, so that he wouldn't think I was ignoring him.

Sungyeon: Just for a while.
Mingi: that's ok. I just have something to ask you.
Sungyeon: and if I don't answer your question you'll assume I hate you?
Mingi: exactly :)
Sungyeon: that's not fair.
Mingi: but it's funny.
Sungyeon: maybe.

While I waited for him to call me, I started writing in my notebook. I had already written down how my plan was coming along, and what I had to improve. I had also started gathering information about each member of Ateez, so that it would be easier to make them feel like I knew them. It actually looked like I was some kind of spy that had a mission. But then again, I did have a mission.
Mingi called me about five minutes later. I answered immediately.
- who is this?
I asked, as a joke.
- that's funny.
Mingi said.
- I thought so.
I said, and laughed.
- I love your laugh.
He said.
He loves my laugh? but Kyung always said I sounded like a pig when I laughed.
- you had something to ask me, didn't you?
I said, making Mingi sigh.
- you make it sound like I'm bothering you.
He said.
- You're not bothering me, don't worry.
I said.
- I was just wondering if you wanted to do
something with me tomorrow.
He said.
- Like what?
I asked.
- Let's go to the arcade.
He said.
- are you even allowed to do that?
I asked him.
- Well, sort of.
He answered.
- sort of?
I asked.
- everyone else is going home to their families for the rest of the week.
He answered.
It did make sense. Tomorrow was friday, so I guess they had the weekend of.
- In that case, why not?
I said.
- Cool! It's a date.
He said.
- it's not a date.
I said.
- I was just joking.
He said, and laughed awkwardly.
Just a joke. So why did my heart beat so fast?
- I have to go now.
I said, and quickly hung up.
I felt lightheaded, and nauseous for some reason. I turned of my phone, and fell asleep immediately.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt even worse. My head hurt, and my body felt numb.
What time is it?
I looked at the clock. It's 1 PM? Had I really been asleep for over 12 hours?
- you're finally awake! I was so worried.
I hadn't noticed kyung sitting beside my bed.
- what's happening to me?
I asked.
- you're sick, obviously.
He said.
- I don't get sick.
I said.
- I have to get up.
I said, and tried to get out of bed. But my head started spinning.
- You have to stay in bed.
Kyung said, and felt my forehead.
- your face is all sweaty.
He said.
- then don't touch it.
I said.
- Kyung... I really can't be sick today.
I said.
- Why are you so eager to get out of bed when you're sick?
He asked me.
Because I had plans. With Mingi.
Mingi! I didn't know when we were supposed to meet.
- can you hand me my phone?
I asked Kyung.
- Fine, just don't hold it too close to your face. Your head will hurt more.
He said, and handed me my phone.
Mingi had tried to call me twice. And then he had messaged me a few times asking when we should meet... and then one asking if I didn't want to spend time with him after all.
- Kyung... I need to get out of bed.
I said.
- that's not happening.
He said.
- but I was supposed to meet a friend.
I said.
- and you just assumed that would be ok?
He asked.
- I'm not a prisoner here.
I said.
- I know.. and I'm sorry if that's what you feel like.
He said.
- Wait, did you say friend?
He asked.
- Yeah. I think I have a friend. Maybe even two.
I said.
- But I think I should still come with you to work a few more times..
I said.
When I realized what I just said, I got so confused. Was I really going to choose to spend more time with Mingi, Hongjoong and the rest of them... when I actually might have a chance to stay home instead?
It's probably because I'm sick. My head is just being weird because of that, right?
- we don't have to discuss this now.
Kyung said, and smiled.
- I'm just upset.
Kyung said.
- because I'm sick?
I asked.
- no because I have a blind date today, but I can't go because you're sick.
He said, and laughed.
- You're so rude.
I said, and tried to hit him, but my arm could barely move.
- I'll go make you some soup.
Kyung said, and left.
I remembered that I should let Mingi know I'm sick. I quickly texted him.
Sungyeon: I'm sick, so I can't meet you. I'm sorry.
Mingi: you're sick? You should have told me sooner!
Mingi: I'll come to you then!
Mingi: Sungyeon?
Mingi: if you don't answer I'll come over anyways.
Sungyeon: you shouldn't.

After I sent the last message, I fell asleep again. I didn't know how long I slept, but when I woke up again, it was getting dark outside.
After a few minutes, Kyung nocked on my door, and entered.
Why even bother nocking?
- I'm going now.
He said.
- I thought you were supposed to take care of me.
I said.
- I don't have to. I'm going on my date after all.
He said, and grinned.
- what about me? I might die!
I said.
- Don't worry. You won't be alone.
He said, and left.
- Kyung! Don't leave me here!
I yelled after him. But then I heard the front door closing.
He really just left me here. But what was he talking about? I wouldn't be alone?
- I told you I would come to you.

..Mingi?
I couldn't believe he was here. While my room looked like this? My floor was filled with books and my bed... was full of stuffed animals.
This is so embarrassing.
Then realized that I probably looked really bad.
I screamed, and covered my face with a pillow.
- why are you hiding?
Mingi asked me, and laughed.
- because you can't look at me right now.
I said, still holding the pillow over my face.
Mingi sat down on the edge of the bed, and removed the pillow.
- You can't.
I said, and covered my face with my hands.
- why not?
He asked me.
- because I look ugly.
I said.
- let's see.
He said.
Then he took my wrists, and carfully pulled my hands off my face. Then he laughed.
Why is he laughing? Is it that bad?
- You still look pretty to me.
He said, making me blush.
I'm blushing now too? What's wrong with me? It's not me. It's him. This is his fault. He was doing something to me. And I wanted it to stop before it was too late.

- I don't think you should act like this towards me.
I told him.
- I'm just being honest.
He said.
- I thought you didn't want me to lie again.
He said, and smirked.
- keeping your thoughts to yourself is not lying.
I said.
- I know. But if I don't say what I'm feeling, it's worse than lying.
He said.
- feeling?
I asked.
- Like how I feel about you.
He said.
What was he talking about?
- I know I haven't known you that long..
He started saying, but then I interrupted him.
- Don't say another thing.
I said.
I wasn't exactly sure what he was trying to tell me, but I didn't want him to say anything at all. Because if he was... falling for me, I couldn't do it anymore. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I didn't even know if our friendship was real to me, or still a part of my act.

- Sungyeon-ah, I need to tell you this.
He said.
- you don't even know what you're talking about.
I said.
- Sungyeon..
He said.
- Just stop, ok?

He can't have feelings for me. Because he doesn't even know the real me.