I Love You, My Friend - Song Mingi

#43

It was getting late, and I knew Mingi probably had to leave soon. I really didn't want him to.
- you have to go soon, right?
I asked Mingi.
- no, I'll stay here tonight.
Mingi said, and kissed me.
- Is it because I'm "so amazing"?
I said, and smirked.
- can you stop making fun of things I say when you're touching me?
Mingi said, making me laugh again.
- Maybe I should just not let you touch me again.
He said.
- ok, then you can't touch me either.
I said.
- Fine.
He said.
- no, please touch me.
I said, making him laugh.
- where do you want me to touch you?
He asked, and started kissing my neck.
- everywhere.
I said, and giggled.

When I woke up the next morning, my head was hurting again. Why did I have to land on my face? My butt would have been better. Hahaha butt.
- what are laughing about?
Mingi said, as he woke up.
- nothing.
I said, and laughed awkwardly.
- how's your head?
Mingi asked me.
- it hurts a little.
I said.
- I'm sorry.
He said.
- it's not like it's your fault.
I said.
- right...
He said.
Was he really blaming himself for it? It was literally only my fault. And sort of Seonghwa's fault.
- maybe we can just stay here all day, so you can rest some more.
He said, and pulled me closer to him.
- I have to meet someone.
I said.
I had called my fathers assistant yesterday, and she wanted to meet me at the cafe near the building my father worked in.
- Are you... meeting Seonghwa?
Mingi asked me.
No way I would wanna meet seonghwa for a while. But I still didn't want to lose him as a friend. But a break would be good for both of us. Maybe he would realize that he didn't actually love me.
- I'm meeting the assistant that works for my father.
I said.
- that's great.
Mingi said, and it sounded like he was pretty happy that I wasn't going to meet Seonghwa. But I couldn't really blame him.
- can I come with you?
He asked me.
- don't you have things to do?
I asked him.
- not today.
He answered.
- well, why don't you just wait here while I go out? I won't be long.
I said.
- sure.
Mingi said, and smiled.

I got dressed, and Mingi helped me brush my hair. It was so sweet that he did that. Maybe he was just tired of my hair being messy. Although he kept saying it was cute.
- do you have to go right now?
He asked me.
- I don't really have to leave until an hour.
I answered.
- good, I want to cuddle.
He said, and put his arms around my waist.
Mingi fell asleep, so I got out of bed, and went downstairs.
I put on my shoes, and walked to the bus stop.
When I arrived outside fathers work place, I went to an ATM and withdrew some money.
I met my fathers assistant, who's name I kept forgetting. Was is Eun Jae? Or Jae in? I should probably ask her. Or would that be rude? She would probably just be offended.
- thanks for meeting me.
I told her, as we sat down by a table.
- do you have the money?
She asked me, making me laugh.
- here.
I said, and handed her the envelope.
- is that enough?
I asked her.
- yes.
She said, while counting the money.
This is so shady.
- you're father talks a lot when he drinks.
She said.
- I'm sure he does.
I said.
- so what exactly do you want to know?
She asked me.
- I want to know where my mother is.
I said.
- well, she's in America.
She said.
I had already figured out that.
- what hospital?
I asked her.
- she's not in any kind of hospital.
She answered. What?
- what do you mean?
I asked her.
- she never was.. she just moved to New York.
She answered.
No.. why would she just move? Why would she leave me like that? And why did my father lie about it?
- So my father just.. lied to me?
I asked.
- he did it because he didn't want you to be upset.
She answered.
- why.. why did she leave me?
I asked her.
- your father says she blames you for your brothers death...
She said.
Why would my mother blame me? And did my father blame me as well?
- please don't cry.
She said, looking guilty.
But she wasn't the one that should be guilty.
- I have to go.
I said, and got up from my seat.
- wait!
She said, and grabbed my arm.
- you're not going to tell your father that I told you this, right?
She asked.
- no, of course not.
I said.
- could we.. maybe meet again?
She asked me.
- I'm not giving you more money.
I told her, making her laugh.
- no i meant like.. get a drink or something.
She said.
Why would she ask that? Did she want to be my friend? I needed a girl friend, but what if it got messed up like it did with Chanhee?
- maybe, I'll call you.
I told her, and left.
On the way back home, I couldn't stop thinking about what I knew now. I was angry.. and so sad. It wasn't my fault that my brother died.. he was the one that wanted to climb to the roof to look at the stars. I told him it was dangerous.. I should have just... tried harder to convince him. Then he would have never fallen down and hurt his head.
No... that wasn't my fault at all. If I think like that.. I'll die.

When I got home, I found my baseball bat, and went to my parents room. There was so many pictures of our family on the wall. But there wasn't any of me. But my father had one of me on his nightstand. Like I care..
- I hate you so much!!
I yelled, and started breaking all the things in their room with the bat. They're liars... they don't care about me.
So that's it. They're the reason I'm a liar. They're the reason I'm so messed up in the head. They hate me, don't they? They've always hated me.
- Sungyeon.. what's going on?
Mingi was suddenly standing in the doorway, looking scared. Am I scaring him? Please no..
- just.. go home.
I told him, and dropped the bat on the floor.
- no.
He said.
- I don't want you to see me like this.
I said, and started crying.
I wasn't angry anymore, I was just sad.
- just.. come here.
He said, and dragged me closer to him.
- what happened?
He asked, as he hugged me.
- I can't.. I can't even say it.
I said.
- that's ok...just please don't cry.
he said, and didn't let go of me.