I Love You, My Friend - Song Mingi

#15

I can't believe he did that. And I can't believe I didn't push him away. But I finally got myself to do it. I pushed him away, and hit his shoulder, several times.
- Why did you do that, you idiot!!
I yelled.
- stop hitting me!
He said, and laughed.
- don't kiss me then.
I said.
- you kissed me back.
He said, and grinned.
- No I didn't!
I said.
- You did.
He said, and laughed.
I guess I did. But that was only because I got caught up in the moment. It had to be.

After I stopped hitting him, I walked out of the greenhouse, and sat down on a bench. My heart was beating like crazy, and I felt dizzy.
- Are you mad?
Mingi said, as he sat down beside me.
- I don't know.
I said.

- You know what?
Mingi asked.
- what?
I asked, and sighed.
- I think you like me back.
He said, and giggled.
- I might.. have kissed you back. But that doesn't mean anything.
I said.
- I don't believe you.
He said, and put his arm around my shoulders.

I wanted to push him away again, but I didn't.
- Let's come here everyday.
Mingi said.
- It is very beautiful.
I said.
- don't come her without me.
Mingi said.
- why not?
I asked him.
- because it's our place now.
He said, and looked at me.
If he doesn't stop looking at me like that. I don't know what I'll do.
- Don't tell me what to do.
I said, making him laugh.
I looked down at my hands, because I couldn't look at him anymore. I hadn't really thought about it before now, how good he looked.
Suddenly he kissed my cheek, making me hit him again.
- I'm sorry.
He said, and grinned. He looked so happy. And it made me.. happy.
- Let's date.
He said.
- No.
I said.

- You'll change your mind eventually.
He said, and laughed.
- you're really confident, aren't you?
I said, and wanted to laugh.
- I'm just a person that knows what I want, And don't give up.
He said, and removed his arm from my shoulder. Then he laid down on the bench, with his head in my lap. I was really getting used to all this body contact.
I might even like it.
- Is that a double chin?
He said, and grabbed my chin.
- stop it!
I said, getting embarrassed.
- I'm just joking.
He said, and laughed.

I really loved everything about this. I loved that he kissed me, and that he kept touching me. And it felt like I was loosing my mind.
Is this what having feelings for some is like?
Because if it is, I don't want it to stop.

It was so confusing how I suddenly started feeling this way. I was so sure I wouldn't feel like this. Ever. Until today. How could things change so quickly? maybe it was because he kissed me. Maybe that's what it took for me to realize my feelings. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to act and what to say.
But I shouldn't just decide that I like him. I should think about it first. And not just make a rash decision.

But maybe I can't help it. Because I was so sure now.

- what are you thinking about?
Mingi asked me.
- I'm not thinking about anything.
I said.

Mingi just laughed, and kept looking at my face. I was getting worried that I actually might have a double chin.
- Can you get of me? Your head is heavy.
I said.
Mingi sat back up again, and laughed.
-It's because my brain is so big.
He said.
- then how come you're so stupid?
I asked him.
- you're stupid.
He said.
- you're stupider.
I said.
- well you're the stupidest.
He said, and laughed.

- I would say you're both pretty stupid.

We turned around to see Seonghwa standing behind us.
What was he doing here?
- I'm just here to remind you we have a live Broadcast scheduled in about an hour.
He told Mingi.
- I'm... sick.
Mingi said.
- Nice try.
Seonghwa said.

I wish he didn't have to go. But I understood that it was important.
- Can I at least stay here for 10 more minutes?
Mingi asked seonghwa.
- Hongjoong said to bring you back immediately.
Seonghwa answered.

- I don't want to.
Mingi said, and frowned, making me want to laugh because of how cute it was.
- You can have five minutes.
Seonghwa said, and started leaving, but then he stopped.
- Sungyeon.
He said.
- what is it?
I asked him.
- I hope you're mature enough to realize that they way I'm acting towards you, isn't personal.
He said.
Then he left.

- That was weird.
I said.
- Trust me, that's the best your going to get from him.
Mingi said.
- At least he doesn't hate me.
I said, and sighed.
- how could anyone hate you?
Mingi asked me.
- because I'm not a good person.
I said.
- You always try to push me away like this.
He said, and sighed.
- I just.. Ive never had friends. My only friend was my brother.
I said.
- you have a brother?
Mingi asked.
- yeah but.. he's gone.
I said.
- I'm so sorry.
Mingi said, and hugged me.

- and since then.. it's been hard to get out and start living my life again.
I said.
- I get that.
He said.
- until I met you.
I said.
- Really?
He asked me, and smiled.
- And I'm starting to think that I don't want to be your friend.
I said.
- what do you mean?
Mingi said, looking concerned. did he not understand what I was trying to say?
- I want to be more.
I said.
- I knew it!
Mingi yelled, making me laugh.

- this is the perfect time to kiss me again, by the way.
I said.
- promise you won't hit me again?
He asked.
- I don't know.
I said, and laughed.
- Well, I don't mind anyways.

Then he kissed me, again. And it felt so right. Why had been denying my feelings for him?

But what would happen if he found out what I had done to him? To all of them? What would he say if I told him that I had been faking my friendship with them.. and that I did it all for some stupid deal?