#23

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It was Monday, and I was on my way to Ateez's dorm. I was nervous, because today Mingi and I would tell them about our relationship. What if they got mad, and told us we couldn't meet anymore? I had no idea what I would do with myself if it happened. I would probably go back to hating life. I decided to stop thinking about it for now. It would only make it harder to actually go through with it. But i guess we would have to tell them at some point, so why not now? Mingi was pretty convinced that they would take it well, after all.
When I approached their dorm, I almost turned around to go back home. But this was important to Mingi, so it should be important to me. I nocked on the door, and Seonghwa answered.
- hey.
I said, and was expecting him to move so that I could enter, but he didn't.
- seriously, do you have something against me?
I asked him.
- you're misunderstanding me.
He answered.
- I don't think I am.
I said.
Seonghwa just sighed, and finally let me inside.
We walked to the living room, and then Seonghwa disappeared to his room.
I can never figure that guy out.
- you're here!
Yunho said, when he noticed me.
- how could you tell.
I said, and smirked.
- you're not funny.
He said.
- yes I am.
I said.

After talking with Yunho for a few minutes, I went to look for Mingi. Everyone was in the living room except for him. So he was probably in his room. I nocked on his door, and when he opened the door, he dragged me inside and closed the door.
- I'm so nervous.
He said.
- Maybe we should wait.
I said.
- No!
Mingi almost yelled, making me laugh.
- Ok Fine, but just calm down.
I said.
- sorry.
Mingi said, and laughed awkwardly.

We decided to just get it over with, so Mingi left the room to find Jongho and Hongjoong.
I didn't get the chance to decide how I was going to act before he came back with both of them.
When they entered the room, Mingi closed the door again.
- is everything ok?
Hongjoong asked us.
- uhm yeah.. perfectly fine.
I said, and I suddenly felt dizzy.
- we just need to tell you something.
Mingi told them.
- oh god.. I think I know what it is.
Jongho said, and looked at me.
Why is he looking at me?
- Well, what is it?
Hongjoong asked.
- uhm.. Me and Sungyeon..
Mingi started saying, but he couldn't finish the sentence.
- well?
Hongjoong asked.
- we're...
Mingi tried to say again.
Seriously... this was his idea to begin with and he can't even do it?
- We're dating.
I said.

Everyone just stayed silent after I said it. But then Hongjoong finally spoke.

- Sungyeon.. could you give us a minute?
Hongjoong asked me.
- Of course.
I said, and left Mingi's room.
Oh god.. maybe we shouldn't have done this. Maybe we should have hid it forever.

I was getting dizzier, so I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I almost lost the glass on the floor.
- are you ok?

It was Seonghwa asking me. Had he followed me in here?
- yeah I'm fine.
I said coldly.
- I want to tell you something.
He said.
- Go ahead.
I said.
I was actually really curious about what he had to say. And I definitely needed the distraction.
- my father used to gamble. He would lose a lot. He would always act so cheerful around my mother, and hide that he was scared. Scared that his perfect fake life would end.
Seonghwa said.
Not that I didn't care about it, I just didn't know why he was telling me.
- i was the only one that could see that the way he acted was fake.
Seonghwa continued.
Oh no... was he.. trying to tell me that he had noticed how I was faking who I was back then?
- And then one day, he came home and told us.. That he had gambled away our house. We barely managed to get it back. My father always looked so guilty and ashamed after that.
Seonghwa said.
- I'm sorry that happened. But what does it have to do with me?
I asked.
- because when we first got to know you... I noticed how you acted. It's just like my father did.
He said.
Oh no... he figured it out, didn't he? Or some of it at least.
- You looked happy, but I know you weren't.
Not in the beginning at least. I could see it in your eyes.
He said.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
I said.
- You do. And that's not all.
Seonghwa said.
- what do you mean?
I asked.
- now.. you look guilty. Every time you look at me, I can see it in your eyes.
He said.
But I thought I wasn't feeling guilty anymore. Maybe I was just lying to myself.
- So what did you do?
He asked me.
- i haven't done anything.
I said.
- if you tell me.. I can help you.
Seonghwa said.
- stop.
I said.
- you'll never get over it if you don't talk about it.
He said.
- I said stop!
I yelled.
I noticed I was crying. Why did he have to do this now? Why did he have to do this at all?
- Fine. Pretend that you're not feeling guilty. It'll eat you up inside.
Seonghwa said, and left the kitchen.
Fuck. I can't.. be here anymore. Because I wanted to scream.
I walked to the hallway, and put on my shoes and jacket.
Then I left.

• Mingi's POV•

- Sungyeon, could you give us a minute?
Hongjoong asked Sungyeon.
- of course.
She said, and left.
- How could you start dating her... without even asking me first?
Hongjoong asked me.
He almost looked mad. Almost.
- You could have been kicked out of our group if our manager found out.
Hongjoong said, and sighed.
- I mean, I just thought they were really close friends. Really really close friends.
Jongho said, and laughed.
- I'm sorry.
I said.
- I know you're not sorry.
Hongjoong said.
- You're right. I'm not sorry.
I said, and Hongjoong looked so shocked about how I was talking to him.
- because I love her.
I said.
- oh..I definitely didn't expect that.
Jongho said.
- I mean, she sort give off that causal relationship vibe.
Jongho said, and laughed again.
I gave him a look that made him apologize immediately.
- Do you really love her?
Hongjoong asked me.
- I really do.
I said.
- Fine... but if our manager finds out, you're on your own.
Hongjoong said, and sort of smiled. Then he left the room leaving me alone with Jongho.
- That went well.
Jongho said, and laughed.
I couldn't wait to tell Sungyeon.
When Jongho and I left our room, I went to look for Sungyeon. But I couldn't find her anywhere.
- have you guys seen Sungyeon?
I asked everyone.
- last time I saw her she was sort of yelling at Seonghwa in the kitchen.
San said.
- I saw her run out of our dorm after that.
Wooyoung said.
- she looked pretty upset.
Wooyoung continued.
I walked into Seonghwa's room as fast as I could.
He was just sitting in his bed, writing in his notebook.
- what did you do?
I asked him.
- it's not me you should ask.
He said.

What was he talking about?

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