Forever and Always

Chapter 5 - Skeletons (Trigger Warning)

"So, where are we going?" I asked Levi somberly, still upset about the night before.

"No clue. Let's just see, okay?" Levi responded, getting onto the freeway and taking my hand. I retracted it almost as soon as he took it.

"I can't yet. It just," I tried to explain myself. Levi held up his hand to silence me.

"I understand, Eren. I'm sorry for pushing it," he murmured, a genuine look in his eyes. He realized that he had overstepped. I felt bad for not being emotionally available, but I couldn't be just yet. The wound was still too fresh. I wanted nothing more than to take his hand and forget that last night had ever happened.

"Tell me about your life before the boy's school in Asheville. What did you do?"

Levi started laughing a humorless laugh. "Oh, Eren, you don't wanna go there. You don't wanna know."

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't wanna know. I've spent enough time pretending our pasts don't exist. Let's get it all out in the open. Tell me everything. No secrets. No demons. No skeletons in the closet should be left after we're done." I was on a relatively short fuse, but an explosion of anger wasn't what was waiting for me if I ran through my patience. It would be much worse than that. I would completely crumble. It was like I was a shattered china glass held together by a single piece of scotch tape. One breath the wrong way would break me beyond repair.

"Okay." He took a deep breath and looked over at me for a second. "Everything?"

"Everything," I insisted, nodding.

"Okay. I have always known that the shit I got into was dangerous. That's why I did it, in part. I was trying to die. The other reason was because for a little bit, I would be able to forget everything. I wouldn't ever have to think about the shit I was going through at home. It was bad, Eren. It was really bad."

"What happened to you?" I asked, pure concern coloring my mind. "I love you. I promise nothing you could say or do will ever change that. What happened to you at home?"

"Usual kinda shit. My uncle drank too much. Sometimes he'd hit me. Sometimes there would be more involved. Sometimes it was his friends and colleagues. They were worse. They didn't have as much restraint as Kenny did. I was his flesh and blood and I think that kept all his demons from releasing themselves on me at once. He always blamed me for the death of my mother, and eventually, I did too. I still do. I did cause that. He just made me realize it too soon. I was five and a half when it finally sank in. I remember because it was the first time my uncle had ever told me that I had killed my mother while he was sober. It was one of the only memories I have of him when he was sober.

"Eventually I was home schooled by a tutor because Kenny and his buddies were getting sloppy with their hickeys and bruises and shit. His paycheck was money, of course, but his bonuses were time where he could do whatever he wanted with me. I got an A on a test? Kenny would give him an hour. A+? Three hours. Straight A's on my report card? I swear it felt like I was in there for a fucking week. Getting bad grades was worse, though," he chuckled.

"Fuck," I whispered hoarsely. I didn't know when I had started to cry. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I thought it was just Kenny. Not that that's better, but I mean-"

"I know what you mean, Eren. Don't worry about it. But anyways, I was fourteen the first time I had consensual sex. It was also my first time topping. But sex isn't important to me in relationships. Any two people can have sex. The real test is whether or not they can get along and end up making it work in the long term. That's how I've always seen it. And I always thought that those people took away my ability to love."